December 3, 2012
So this Public Works engineer is walking down a country lane and he comes across a young boy shepherding a flock of sheep across the road. The Public Works engineer steps out of his pickup and tells the kid, “I bet you one of your sheep I can tell exactly how many you have in your flock.” Kid takes the bet and the Public Works engineer calculates some angles, crunches some numbers and announces, “238 sheep.” “Wow, mister,” says the...
August 22, 2012
When you live in Indiana, you hear Kentucky jokes. In Maryland, they are about West Virginia. When you're Polish, it doesn't matter where you live - you are the brunt of jokes. I want to dispel the idea that this nationality is worthy of all this negative attention. During our Revolutionary War, Gen. George Washington was impressed with Casimir Pulaski, the Polish volunteer. Pulaski helped train our soldiers and later died in battle for our country. There was also Thaddeus Kosciusko, a Polish engineer who built the fortifications around Philadelphia and Yorktown.
August 13, 2012
Look at the bright side, you only have to read my post-Olympic assessment column once every four years. It is kind of like the Transit of Venus that way. You really don't want to hear about it and don't know why you should care, but at least you know it won't happen again in your lifetime. I'm always accused of focusing on the negative, so I'll start out by saying, “How 'bout that U.S. women's soccer team! U-S-A, U-S-A!” No, I didn't see the final against Japan either, but I was happy about it in the sense that I view it as revenge for the Datsun B-210.
November 19, 2011
David Riddle could only describe his performance at the 49th annual JFK 50 Mile ultramarathon with one word Saturday. “Surreal,” he said. “I would say it's a dream come true, but I can't really say that because I could never even dream it.” Riddle, 30, of Cincinnati, overtook prerace favorite Michael Wardian with about 4 1/2 miles left and prevailed in a course-record time of 5 hours, 40 minutes, 45 seconds. Wardian, 37, of Arlington, Va., finished second in 5:43:24, also eclipsing the previous course-record mark of 5:46:22, set in 1994 by Eric Clifton.
September 26, 2011
Editor's note: This is the first in an occassional series on Dan Hawthorne, who after topping 600 pounds has been on a journey to lose weight through diet and exercise. In a world obsessed with waistlines, liposuction and liquid diets, Dan Hawthorne stood out. People would stare when he walked down the street and act like food police in restaurants, criticizing his menu selections. He was aware of the whispers and the jokes - society's constant, humiliating reminders that he literally didn't fit in. And he silently endured the pain.
May 12, 2011
Former Berkeley County delegate and current Republican gubernatorial candidate Larry Faircloth said Thursday that a joke he told referring to President Obama as "Sambo" and House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi as a "bimbo" was simply an attempt to "bring a little humor" to the campaign. Faircloth said he apologizes for the joke if it offended anyone, which it has, including a West Virginia branch of the NAACP. He said the joke he told at a candidates forum on April 29 in Romney, W.Va., is representative of the humor in politics.
August 17, 2009
CHAMBERSBURG, Pa. --Â Sarah Signore, 20, of Greencastle, Pa., was named 2009 Franklin County Fair Queen on Monday night. During the contest, Signore completed an interview with judges, read a prepared essay and answered two impromptu questions. Lindsay Upperman, 16, of Chambersburg, Pa., was named first runner-up. While the judges deliberated, contestants entertained the crowd with dancing, talent displays and jokes.
August 12, 2009
o If you want to voice your opinion on health care reform efforts and today's town hall event, go to the Local Shoutbox page. STATE COLLEGE, Pa. (AP) -- Sen. Arlen Specter, facing more jeers and taunts during another town hall meeting Wednesday, sought to defuse tensions about health care reform debate with a few jokes. Discussing people who had also come to Tuesday's forum in Lewisburg, Specter said, "I consider it a compliment that you want to come back. " At one point, he even jokingly booed himself as a way of poking fun at the reaction he has been getting.
October 9, 2008
CHAMBERSBURG, Pa. -- While Karen Morgan, Nancy Witter and Sherry Davey's comedy show is billed Mama's Night Out, their material is not limited to the experiences of motherhood. "It's a very small part of our show," said Witter, 51. But it was motherhood and comedy that brought the three together when they met as finalists in 2005 for the first season of Nick at Nite's "Search for the Funniest Mom in America. " None of them won the top prize, but they had such a good time together they decided to join forces for a show, selling out their first two shows, a pair of fundraisers in Portland, Maine.
October 30, 2007
The jokes are from the U.S. Department of Agriculture's National Agricultural Statistics Service. For more fun, see its Web site at www.nass.usda.gov/pa. Q: What's a cow's favorite vegetable? A: A cowat! Q: What do you call a pig thief? A: A hamburglar! Q: Why did the unwashed chicken cross the road twice? A: Because he was a dirty double crosser! Q: What did the farmer call the cow that wouldn't give him any milk? A: An udder failure! Q: What are the spots on black-and-white cows?