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It's fitting for Hagerstown residents to vote with their stomachs

August 01, 2012

We had long since given up eating at Chick-fil-A, but for a reason that had nothing to do with the current unpleasantness.

Maybe a year ago, Chick-fil-A unleashed its corporate goons against a Vermont artist who, at the suggestion of a small-town farmer, had produced T-shirts proclaiming “Eat More Kale.”

Chick-fil-A said this was an infringement on its “Eat mor chikin” ad campaign. It issued a nasty cease-and-desist letter to the entrepreneur, saying his T-shirts were “likely to cause confusion of the public and dilute the distinctiveness of Chick-fil-A’s intellectual property.”

Forget that this fellow’s “Eat More Kale” shirts had been around for years, and I myself had an “Eat More Possum” bumper sticker on my Ford Econoline van a good 15 years before the phrase caught on in fast-food land.

But goodness, isn’t it a sign of the times that politics has now infiltrated our food? Politics, how I hate thee. You can’t eat anywhere anymore for fear that people will see you out and think you’re making some kind of a statement. Although it is fitting that, in Hagerstown, people would feel compelled to vote with their stomachs.

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I will be saving my dining-out dollars for the new Tilted Kilt restaurant scheduled to open at Valley Mall.

I had never heard of the Tilted Kilt until the story announcing its arrival. And I almost hate to give it added ink, lest it turn into another firestorm of family dining venom, as it has in other communities because of its waitresses’ costumes — or lack of costumes, to be more accurate.

The Tilted Kilt features stacked young women wearing tartan bikini tops and kilts that will really get your attention.

Its motto is: “A cold beer never looked so good.” The Tilted Kilt’s menu consists of — oh, who cares. And given all of the pent-up Hooters demand around here, I can’t imagine that it won’t do well. At least until everyone who is currently in line at Chick-fil-A to eat, drives on over to the Tilted Kilt to protest. Yes, it’s going to be a busy couple of weeks for the Uptight Crowd.

Waitresses who are scantily dressed? At a wholesome, family-oriented shopping mall? I mean, forget for the moment that most of the pre-teens you see at the mall are themselves wearing less than any employed woman still in possession of a food-handler’s license.

But you know it’s coming. We’re not too far removed from the protests over Victoria’s Secret. And by the sounds of it, Tilted Kilt is a naughty nightie mannequin come to life. Little Billy has already been exposed to the dimensions, now he’s going to see the dynamics.

As always, I plan to stay out of it, but my only question is that when I think of Scotland, I don’t think of well-endowed babes, I think of the Loch Ness Monster. I’m not making any comment on nationality vis-à-vis beauty, it’s just that I wonder how they got from Scotland to South Beach.

What’s next, an Eskimo-themed bikini bar? Move over Tilted Kilt, here comes the Saucy Seal.

We can only hope.

Tim Rowland is a Herald-Mail columnist. He can be reached at 301-733-5131, ext. 6997, or by email at timr@herald-mail.com.

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