Limbaugh is never happy, so he says dopey things

July 23, 2012

“(Mitt) Romney is Batman.”

That was the clarification.

Now, if that were the clarification, you might wonder, what was the misunderstanding?

The misunderstanding, Rush Limbaugh says now, was that he never seriously meant to imply that Hollywood cooked up Batman’s evil nemesis Bane as a metaphor for Bain Capital, the outsourcing, job-killing, asset-stripping albatross that is pulling down the Romney campaign like a Yukon plane with no de-icer.

Said R.L. last Tuesday: “And it’s a lot of brain-dead people, entertainment, the pop-culture crowd. And they’re going to hear ‘Bane’ in the movie, and they are going to associate Bain. And the thought is that when they start paying attention to the campaign later in the year, and Obama and the Democrats keep talking about Bain, not Bain Capital, but Bain, Romney and Bain, that these people will think back to the Batman movie.”

Come on, Rush, simmer down. First, Democrats only wish they were that clever; most that I know couldn’t organize a two-car funeral.

And what might lead you to believe that “brain-dead” people will “think”? Or vote, for that matter. Really, I don’t know that the Batman-watching demo is Romney’s most pressing concern at the moment.

Of course, I haven’t seen “The Dark Knight Rises.” For all I know, the movie ends when Batman diabolically tricks Bane into releasing 20 years worth of tax returns.

And what about Cruella de Vil? Maybe this wasn’t a play on “Cruel Devil,” but a sinister attempt to link the tea party with puppy skinning.

Think about it: De Vil. DeMint. You don’t have to be Columbo to figure that out. And do I really even need to mention Darth Boehner?

Matter of fact, I’m seeing liberal plots in all of the fantasy worlds that I used to believe were so innocent. Viewed from a political perspective, for example, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs is an obvious slam against the nation’s most revered Republicans.

Sleepy is a clear attack on Ronald Reagan. Dopey and Doc? If you don’t think that’s George W. Bush and Dick Cheney, you’re fooling yourself. (Those of you who believe Bush to be Sneezy are overthinking it, in my view.)

Bashful would be Sarah Palin — ha ha — just kidding. Unless you buy into Limbaugh’s double reverse conspiracy, in which Democrats slip you a mickey just to keep everyone off the scent.

Grumpy almost certainly is Richard Nixon, but there is a serious problem in finding the GOP’s Happy. Blame it on the times in which we live, I guess, but I don’t know many happy Republicans, at least not the ones holding elected office. You could easily add four more dwarfs — Angry, Bitter, Surly and Livid — and fill their roles without hesitation. But Happy? I don’t know.

Democrats, by contrast, have all kinds of Happys — possibly because so few of them understand the situation.

Beyond that, the pages of lore are littered with subliminal GOP abuse: Little Red State Riding Hood; The Powell and the Pussycat; Rumsfieldstiltskin.

So, with so much evidence on his side, I would discourage Rush from doing his now-characteristic, arm-flailing backpedal every time he steps in it.

Tim Rowland is a Herald-Mail columnist. He can be reached at 301-733-5131, ext. 6997, or via email at

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