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I see tracking my glasses is a lost cause

May 25, 2012

I'm having a problem with my glasses.

You might guess that my problem involves the prescription being too weak or too strong. Or, perhaps you think the nose piece is loose and needs to be adjusted. At my age, "Is it time for bifocals?" might be a good question.

But all those guesses would be wrong.

In the first place, my glasses did not require a prescription. I bought them over-the-counter at a drug store.

The nose pieces I've had fit pretty well. (I usually don't have a pair long enough to loosen them.)

As for bifocals, let's just say I'm not ready to take that step yet.

My problem actually has more to do with my memory than with my vision.

I just can't seem to keep track of where I put my glasses.

When I first started using reading glasses, I wore one of those decorative eyeglass chains around my neck. Then I knew where my glasses were.

But that got old when my husband said I was looking a little too schoolmarmish.

Aren't those the endearing words every wife wants to hear?

I "lost" the chain and can't seem to find it. What a shame.

More recently, I haven't had much luck with keeping glasses on my person.

I had arrived at a soccer game with a vanload of girls and soccer apparatus. The walk to the soccer field was long and grassy. Something had to give.

My glasses were the first thing to drop, apparently.

After I was situated on the sidelines and noticed my glasses missing, I retraced my steps. No luck.

When I call the school the next day, I discovered that some thoughtful person turned the glasses in before I had a chance to circle back.

It was so nice to have my reading glasses back, especially since the ninth grade boys in my homeroom called my spare pair "manly glasses."

A few days later, at another away game, I had a similar experience with a not-so-happy ending.

When I got into the van to drive to the game, I realized I still had my reading glasses on. In haste, I placed them on my lap and took off.

When we arrived at our destination a half hour later, I forgot the glasses were on my lap.

I watched the game, gathered up the girls and took off toward home. Only later did I realize that the glasses had fallen off my lap onto the ground. A friend found them, but she said I wouldn't want them back. They apparently spent some time under a moving car's tire and were smashed.

So ... yet another pair of eyeglasses bite the dust. Literally.

The icing on the cake came just this week, though, when I left my glasses behind on our table at a restaurant.

I called the restaurant and asked if a pair of glasses had been found. The voice on the other end of the phone line asked me to describe the glasses.

"Well, they are reading glasses with dark frames, almost black," I said and explained to her where we were sitting.

"Hmmm. We have a pair here, but they have dark brown frames," she said apologetically.

Obviously, she was very young.

Otherwise, she would know that someone who needs reading glasses might not be able to tell the difference between almost black and dark brown.

Just imagine what it will be like if I eventually need a hearing aid. I hope I can remember where I put it.



Lisa Tedrick Prejean writes a weekly column for The Herald-Mail's Family page. Send email to her at lprejean@schurz.com.

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