Lloyd Waters: Wife No. 2 is mad

some advice for Newt

February 05, 2012|By LLOYD WATERS

After hearing his ex-wife, Marianne, share a few “tidbits” about him for the whole world to hear, presidential candidate Newt Gingrich is probably giving a little more thought to that concept of matrimony.

He must be thinking, “Marianne must still be mad at me.” Since Wife No. 2 has reluctantly come forward because she was inundated with media requests, I wonder if we could get some additional comments from Wife No. 1 and Wife No. 3.

Once we have those opinions from all three wives, we can then make a better decision on whom to believe and be prepared to more reliably cast our vote.

What advice could I give to Newt if he would call and ask for it? I probably would simply share a few quotes with him.

“As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take which course he will, he will be sure to repent,” offered Socrates.

Some say, “The three rings of marriage are the engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering”. 

OK, Newt, after Marianne’s interview, I realize you must now have a better understanding of that third ring.

Newt, “Bigamy is having one husband or wife too many.  Monogamy is the same,” said Oscar Wilde. Say what?

You know, Newt, I think before this is all over you will have a more thorough understanding about marriage. Did you ever try this line?

“My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that’s what she said.”

Newt, if you would leave Wife No. 1 for Wife No. 2, and Wife No. 2 for Wife No. 3, would you leave Wife No. 3 for Wife No. 4?

If so, would you admit to making an error in judgment and then repeating it? And, if you did admit to making an error on more than one occasion, do you really think that making so many mistakes makes for such a good line on a presidential resume?

If you were really contemplating an open-marriage approach, why would you get married at all?

Or, why not take the attitude of Mae West, who said, “Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution.”

Jean Kerr likens divorce to a big truck: “Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left.”

After your second wife’s most recent interview, Newt, do you think it’s a good idea to start looking both ways?

Walter Winchell was a smart fellow. 

Here’s what he had to say.

“The reason they’re called the opposite sex is because every time you think you have your wife fooled, it’s just the opposite.”

I’m not convinced you had Wife No. 2 completely fooled, Newt.

People have a lot of different opinions as to whether being married more than one time should disqualify you from being president of the United States.

When you look at some of the behaviors of Thomas Jefferson, Andrew Jackson, Franklin Roosevelt, John F. Kennedy, Bill Clinton and others, maybe some of your matrimony woes, Newt, shouldn’t carry so much weight as you attempt to become Commander in Chief of this great nation.

Heck, even King David made a few errors in judgment as I recall.

On the other hand, Newt, some are suggesting that if you have so much trouble solving some little problems in your own house, are you really equipped to fix the bigger problems in our country?

I suppose history will record the answer to that question.

Whatever your fate, Newt, good luck in your endeavor to secure the nomination of the Republican Party.

Oh, in regard to your current marriage, Ruth Bell Graham might offer up advice: “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.”

That’s the best I can offer, Newt. Good luck.

Lloyd “Pete” Waters is a Sharpsburg resident who writes columns for The Herald-Mail.

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