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Big Sydney reaches new stage in his life

September 14, 2011|By BIG SYDNEY
  • Herald-Mail football prognosticator Big Sydney
Herald-Mail football prognosticator Big Sydney

My mom used to tell me that I had a face that could stop traffic.

She was being nice. I thought it was because I was good looking, but when I was a kid, a motorist got a look at me and started a pileup on Dual Highway.

Things have changed over the years. First, I don’t go around the Dual much anymore.

But now, I’m in demand. After all these years as one of the top prognosticators, I’ve been asked to make cameo appearances on some of the new fall television schedule.

I can strike the pose as well as anyone else. The thing that amazed me about auditioning for any of these roles was the fact that all the casting couches now come equipped with heavy-duty shock absorbers. It was just like my streamlined recliner in my Youdaman cave.

But with all my offseason work, you may see me on a TV near you ... just make sure it’s a wide screen.

And no, I’m not going to be on one of those lame NFL pregame shows. I’m an ar-teest.

The first two are pretty much gimmes. There was no way they were going to keep me off.

How could I be left off of Minute To Win It, especially with my skill in the two-minute offense and my prognostication procrastination for leaving this weekly column go until the last minute before filing at The Herald-Mail.

Those sports guys just don’t know how to handle stars.

Then I’m an automatic for the celebrity version of So You Think You Can Dance? All they had to see was my new touchdown celebration dance — a combination Moonwalk with the Worm and the Dougie tossed in for good measure.

My moves left everyone standing with their mouths hanging open in amazement. Then I realized it was because I had split my pants.

I reluctantly accepted a guest remodeling stint on Extreme Home Makeover. I swallowed my pride there. As a former football coach, I have problems working for a Ty.

And I’m going have a guest spot as the bodyguard for that rude doctor in the Fox series. That’s because “We must protect this House.”

I really found a home, though, with my last choice.

I’m really looking forward to working on Jersey Shore.

After all, how could I go wrong with a show about selling football shirts on the beach with a girl named after the drummer from the Banana Splits and a guy called the Syduation?

On with the predictions. Last week 14-6 (.700); Season 28-11 ( .718).

HIGH SCHOOLS

South Hagerstown 23, Boonsboro 13

Clear Spring 42, Hancock 14

North Hagerstown 31, Oakdale 12

Smithsburg 44, Manchester Valley 7

Williamsport 19, Poolesville 8

Middletown 30, James Buchanan 13

Chambersburg 34, Gettysburg 21

James Wood 27, Hedgesville 20

Martinsburg 38, Morgantown 16

Greencastle 24, Susquehanna Township 23

New Oxford 33, Waynesboro 12

Fairmont Senior 41, Jefferson 17

Parkersburg South 21, Musselman 17

Frankfort 29, Berkeley Springs 22

Saint James 27, Bishop Walsh 18

Landon School 34, Mercersburg Academy 14

COLLEGES

West Virginia 31, Maryland 20

Penn State 37, Temple 14

Shepherd 38, Seton Hill 13

PROS

Ravens 27, Titans 10

Cardinals 24, Redskins 21

Steelers 28, Seahawks 12

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