Advertisement

Big Sydney brings an end to the Ps and quiet

September 02, 2011
  • Herald-Mail football prognosticator Big Sydney
Herald-Mail football prognosticator Big Sydney

For all these years, the people of Washington County have doubted my powers.

I showed them.

For nearly four decades, I have been the profiting prophet professing pigskin predictions while proficiently picking a peck of pickled peppers for Peter Piper, a part-time profession. I procured payment but please progress.

I decided to branch out. This summer, I added other talents to prove my infinite powers.

First, I cornered the market by minding my Ps instead of my Qs, as you might be able to tell.

Then, I decided to take control of the county’s weather pattern. I have this dream of making that weather nut Jim Cantore my personal puppet.

First, I turned up the oven in my powerful porch, percolating the Potomac, popping popcorn on the cob and plying people into puddles of putty.

(I know, please park the pile of pronouns and go poof.)

Then I got bored as things cooled off. My next project was to try and shake things up.

I got in my tricked out truck and turned the key. The engine started with such force and it caused most of the East Coast to shake, rattle and roll.

You thought it was a 5.8 level earthquake that shook the area for about five seconds. It felt like the original version of the old time rock ‘n’ roll. But no, that was me.

I make the Sons of Anarchy look like they are riding tricycles.

My greatest accomplishment might have been last weekend. You call me a bag of wind, but I was in control of the big storm. No, it was Me, Myself and Irene.

How do you think it missed the Washington County area? I was the one who steered it clear of Western Maryland and protected Dargan. But I made my point.

First, I pushed it over Washington, where there is always a lot of swirling hot air.

Second, I was able to make the Red Sox and Yankees play quicker games.

But I kept our home safe. Heck, there was more Hurricane damage in Miami.

I did supply one crowning achievement to prove my ability to control the weather and football at the same time.

If you watched TV, the media talked about beach erosion. Where did it all go?

Once again, it was me. I created a lasting monument to my powers.

Everything that was lost at the beaches is now in St. James.

The Saints now have a Sandridge.

On with the predictions.

HIGH SCHOOLS

North Hagerstown 34, Roosevelt 13

North Carroll 17, Boonsboro 13

Hancock 31, Saint James 18

Clear Spring 37, Fairfield 20

Liberty 26, Williamsport 16

Smithsburg 19, Northern Garrett 17

South Hagerstown 30, Berkeley Springs 12

Greencastle 31, Chambersburg 24

Martinsburg 34, H.D. Woodson 7

Mountain Ridge 27, Jefferson 13

Musselman 14, Sherando 12

Susquehanna Township 38, Waynesboro 21

Hedgesville 21, Heritage 14

James Buchanan 33, Southside Academy 22

Washington 26, Pope John Paul The Great 13

COLLEGES

Shepherd 31, Shippensburg 17

Penn State 46, Indiana State 3

West Virginia 31, Marshall 13

Maryland 27, Miami 14

Advertisement
The Herald-Mail Articles
|
|
|