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Joyful, highly valuable, gorgeous, talented, smart, sweet and lovely kittens available

July 13, 2011
  • Rowland

When last we spoke of this issue, Beth had just introduced herself to four lovely kittens that were the byproduct of a one-night yowl between two neighborhood strays.

The Tom was never seen again, but the mom decided to make herself at home with us.

It took a while to get these sweet, lovely kittens to come out from under our office building, but they finally did, thanks to Beth's repeated overtures and an estimated 3.2 million cans of cat food.

These smart, sweet, lovely kittens got the picture soon enough, although they were still reluctant to interact. One is very brave, one is sort of brave, one is sort of shy and one is Garbo.

The outside gig worked for a while, but our quest to find them good homes was drawing a tepid response at best.  Beth finally decided that if she were going to find people to take in these talented, smart, sweet, lovely kittens, she would have to bring them under a roof.

This is the part of Beth's animal adventures where I usually find it advisable to make myself scarce. Love to help and all, but I need to turn the compost heap today, or I need spleen surgery or something.

This time, however, it wasn't necessary, since Beth sensed my presence might be counterproductive.

Apparently, capturing a kitten (even if it is a gorgeous, talented, smart, sweet and lovely) for the first time is some kind of black art that involves drawing a circle in the dust, scattering a handful of possum teeth inside it, chanting rhythmically and sacrificing a chicken before making a grab for the young animal.

So now these highly valuable, gorgeous, talented, smart, sweet, lovely kittens are using a catbox, eating orderly suppers and on their way to being fully domesticated.

Although I take it you can only domesticate a kitten up to a point.

Early Wednesday morning, I watched from the horse paddock as Beth took a slug of coffee at the house and then marched slowly to the office to say good morning to the cats. She went in. A minute passed. Then she re-emerged and silently marched back to the house and went inside.

A moment later she came back out of the house and once again marched slowly to the office, carrying a broom, a shovel and six trash bags.

There was some poignancy about this pantomime that made me very reluctant to ask for an explanation.

Long story short, these joyful, highly valuable, gorgeous, talented, smart, sweet, lovely kittens had themselves a Very Good Time in the office over night.

Beth will never blame an animal for misbehavior, but rather will shoulder the burden herself. When a bad alpaca broke his lead rope, sending his skull rocketing into her face and landing her in the emergency room, she blamed herself for "having her head in the wrong place."

I'm sure there are some readers who think I'm joking about this.

So Beth's only explanation of what had transpired in the office was a rapid-fire series of "It was my fault for ..."

As in, "It was my fault for leaving that bag of kitten food on the table," and "It was my fault for not filing those papers before I left last night," and "It was my fault for not putting away that jar of glue," and so on.

So anyway, the offer still stands for anyone who wants a joyful, highly valuable, gorgeous, talented, smart, sweet, lovely and on very rare occasions, slightly naughty kitten.

Tim Rowland is a Herald-Mail columnist. He can be reached at 301-733-5131, ext. 6997, or via email at Tune in to the Rowland Rant on, on or on Antietam Cable's WCL-TV Channel 30 at 6:30 p.m. New episodes are released every Wednesday.

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