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The beauty of American history is its flexibility

June 13, 2011

I’m getting sick and tired of these liberals like Leonard Pitts telling us Tea Party types that we don’t know anything about history.

In the first place, many of these historical references of ours that he ridicules are the product of “gotcha” journalism, in which reporters catch us off guard by asking questions like, “What does Paul Revere’s ride mean to you?”

Well, of course, if they’re going to back us into a corner like that, we can hardly be responsible for what appears to be an occasional gaffe, at least until we have time to change the Wikipedia entry.

Maybe Pitts himself needs to learn from history, which will tell him that we can put up quite a fight. For example, when the British passed the tax on stamps, making it too expensive for our forefathers to write letters to each other, they dressed up like cowboys and Indians and threw all their tea into Pearl Harbor. Ha! That showed them, for sure.

As Benjamin Franklin said, let he who has sinned cast the first stone, so I would contend that Mr. Pitts only brings shame to himself by trying to downplay the fact that the Constitution specifically grants us the freedom to abridge the press, including people like him.

We stand by our grasp of history and refuse to back down. As any school kid knows, when Paul Revere hung two stockings in the CN tower, it was obviously a signal to the British that Americans had just invented gunpowder and intended to use it. His ride, which was the inspiration for the Boston Marathon, made it clear that we, as a people, were united in the cause of freedom to possess 15-round magazine clips, which were needed to hunt squirrels.

Paul Revere tried to tell the British that our guns were protected under the Second Amendment, just as weapons had gained historical protection in France under the Magnum Carta.

But the British didn’t listen, even though the Constitution says, “Thou shalt have no other gods before flintlocks.” And it’s easy to see why, because our Founding Fathers were under constant attack from the savages, except for a few years of peace known as “detente,” when they held the first Thanksgiving, along with a group of illegal Indians who had no business in America, but still hung around the frontier until they voluntarily moved west during the great Gold Rush.

However, this didn’t happen before the Indians gave the Pilgrims some awful diseases like smallpox, a disease that was accelerated by the ban on DDT.

But we forgave them, just as we forgave the slaves, who arrived unsolicited on our shores in 1776. It took a lot of hard work, but the Founders (the Republican ones) ended slavery by signing the Emancipation of Independence in Philadelphia, over the objections of the liberal media, which was dependent on this “free labor” to carry their television cameras.

Needless to say, you will now find revisionist historians who will try to claim that World War I was caused by slavery. But they have no business going back in their “time machines” to try to pretend that the Constitution didn’t give equal voting rights to every man and woman regardless of color, which was ensured by the lobbying efforts of the kind and generous slave owners — who fed and clothed their slaves with religious regularity, no matter how many times they were the source of disappointment by bringing home “Cs” on their report cards.

That’s what we love about our history; only in America is it confident enough to be flexible.

Tim Rowland is a Herald-Mail columnist. He can be reached at 301-733-5131, ext. 6997, or via email at timr@herald-mail.com. Tune in to the Rowland Rant at www.herald-mail.com, on antpod.com or on Antietam Cable’s WCL-TV Channel 30 at 6:30 p.m. New episodes are released every Wednesday.

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