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Internet leads to quicker downfalls

February 14, 2011

Alas, the only way I’ll get my shirtless photo on the Net is as the “before” image in a Fitness Celebrity John Basedow ad.

And I need to clarify — I should have said “former” representative Christopher Lee, who vanished from Congress faster than if his campaign manager had been David Copperfield.

Lee was caught fishing for females on Craigslist, even though — this almost goes without saying — he is a pro-family values Republican. I don’t know what happened to Lee. He must have thought the Craig they were talking about was Larry.

Beth’s theory is that Democrats always get into money scandals because they never have any money, while Republicans always get into sex scandals because they never — well, you get the idea.

I’ve always figured members of both parties to be equal-opportunity sleazeballs, but I have to admit she might have a point.

All told, I’m less interested in Lee than I am in the process, which I believe shows our electronic age at its best and worst.

Thanks to the Internet, we can now get rid of our bad apples with blinding speed. Lee was gone before I’d even heard he had been accused of anything.

Compare and contrast this with the case of Rep. Wilbur Mills, rest his soul, in 1974.

At 2 a.m. Oct. 9, Mills was stopped for driving without his headlights. Aside from the fact that he was wasted and had just had the snot beaten out of him by an assailant, police couldn’t help but notice that his companion was a stripper with the stage name of Fanny Foxe, who immediately jumped out of the car and dove into the Tidal Basin.

All told, a little heavier than chest photos, n’est-ce pas?

But Mills did not resign the next day. He did not resign the next day or the next month. In November, in fact, he was re-elected with 60 percent of the vote. He did not even resign his committee chairmanship until Nov. 30, and only after he had stumbled onstage with Foxe at a strip joint and then conducted a press conference from her dressing room.

So we see the real-time advantages of the electronic media. But for every positive there is a negative, and this just has to be said:

Come on, Chris. Craigslist?

I mean, you are a member of the U.S. House of By God Representatives, and you’re throwing yourself out there on a website that traffics in 10-year-old lawn mowers? Where’s the dignity? Where’s the gravitas of office?

No matter, I’m here to help. In the very near future, I plan on establishing an elite website for elite hound dogs who can’t last more than 20 minutes in Washington, D.C., without taking off their pants.

I’m thinking of calling it Lord Craiggington’s List, and it would be like The Ladders, except that instead of hooking people up with jobs, it would hook them up with only the best she-cads, without the dishonor of being only two Web pages away from some trailer park momma in a tank top, seeking any man who has fewer DWIs than he has teeth.

Or at least I would do this, except I’m sure it’s already being done. Like congressional members themselves, I am always the last to know.

Tim Rowland is a Herald-Mail columnist. He can be reached at 301-733-5131, ext. 6997, or via e-mail at timr@herald-mail.com. Tune in to the Rowland Rant video under herald-mail.com, on antpod.com or on Antietam Cable’s WCL-TV Channel 30 at 6:30 p.m. New episodes are released every Wednesday.

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