Ill will over bill kill means entertainment from the Hill

January 19, 2011|TIM ROWLAND |
  • Tim Rowland
Tim Rowland

I pride myself on taking bold, uninformed stands, but I confess that I don't have a lot of strong feelings about national health care one way or the other.

To me, it's in the same category as Social Security, Medicare and the prescription drug act. I wish there were a better way than big federal government programs, but it seems to be the direction in which all civilized nations are moving. So why fight it?

I also can't help but point out that national health care would not have been necessary were it not for the insane greed of insurance companies, lawyers, drug companies, medical device outfits and just about anyone who took advantage of people's emotions, health and well-being  for exorbitant profit.

But, since the health care law doesn't specifically benefit me, I am rather ambivalent.

Instead, I was all jacked up for the House Republicans (they of the You Lie! Hell no you can't! Kill the bill, kill the bill! faction) who were about to go full Bruce Lee on the Health Care Reform Law this week.

In anticipation of the action, Capitol Building janitors had sent out extra wet/dry vacs to soak up the expected gallons of drool and slobber produced by mouth-foaming Republicans. This was to be the bloodiest, craziest rodeo produced on the Hill since Ollie North slapped down the Democrats during Iran Contra.

At some point, I was pretty sure that we would be treated to video of some House members in party hats running around without their pants.

Most notable to me was the title of the Reform reform legislation: "A Bill to Repeal the Job Killing Health Care Law."

Great, they're going full preschool on us right out of the shoot. Can't wait for the sequel: "A Bill to Repeal the Poopie Caca Economic Stimulus Package."

Obviously, there are no grown-ups in charge, so this was going to be good, right? Alas, it was not to be. The Arizona shootings put a damper on the House trampoline act, to the point where sponsors of the bill considered changing the title from "Job Killing Health Care" to "Job Destroying Health Care."

I don't get it. They're about to deny health care to millions of mothers, women, children, people with handicaps and invalids, and all of a sudden they're worried that the title of the bill is too harsh?

Come on man, in for a penny in for a pound. Let your hair hang down. Call it the Repeal of the Law that Buries an Ax So Far Into the Skull of Jobs That the Jobs' Eyeballs Will Pop Out And Roll All the Way to Memphis Act.

House Republicans shouldn't try to be sensitive; it's not what they're about. If you're a run-first offense, you are just going to look silly if you come out throwing the ball.

But if you're a fan of pure goofiness, we haven't had this much fun since the "House Managers" during the Clinton years, when a bunch of fat old white men tried to remember what sex was like long enough to build an impeachment case around it.

In the search for a kinder, unkind compound adjective, Speaker John Boehner went with "job-crushing." That's a little limp in my view. I prefer Rep. Steve King, who called health care, no lie, the "entrepreneurial extinction act."

Steve. Dude. Do you really expect the people who put a person like you into office to understand what that means? Ix-nay on the Ulti-may Yllable-say, if you get my drift.

Ah well, it was bound to be a dud. As one reporter noted, the bill is dead on arrival in the Senate anyway. Or maybe we should say, destroyed on arrival.

Tim Rowland is a Herald-Mail columnist. He can be reached at 301-733-5131, ext. 6997, or via e-mail at Tune in to the Rowland Rant on or on Antietam Cable's WCL-TV Channel 30 at 6:30 p.m. New episodes are released every Wednesday.

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