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Big Syd puts in study time worthy of honorary doctorate

September 16, 2010|By BIG SYDNEY

Dr. Syd. It has a pretty nice ring to it.

That's my goal. After all my years of picking these games and providing the best prognostication services that grilled brots can influence, I think I should be given an honorary degree.

So I approached all the local schools looking to see if they would add me to their roster of distinguished faux alums. I got only one response.

You are looking at the next honorary doctorate candidate at Al's School of Beauty and Auto Repair. It will be kind of a weird ceremony. Instead of caps and gowns, we'll be wearing hairnets and coveralls.

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I can't wait for someone to yell, "Is there a doctor in the house?" I wonder if they make stethoscopes with whistles. I can't wait to try on my coaching shorts scrubs.

I'm not taking this honor lightly. I decided to study up on some possible football-related diseases:

* When someone with bad breath is getting enshrined in Canton, Ohio, he would be diagnosed with Halofamtosis.

* When Joe Horn tried to use his cell phone after scoring a touchdown, I think he was suffering from Cellularitis.

* Williamsport's football team continues to come close to victories and ends up a couple of points short. To me, that is a case of Digititis.

* When John Elway took Denver down the field to beat Cleveland in the playoffs that one season, was there ever a bigger case of Driverticulitis.

* I could be wrong, but when Jimmy Walker was featured on the old TV show Good Times, it had a classic case of Dynomitis.

* Any time Peyton Manning is engineering a come-from-behind scoring drive for Indianapolis, the opponents are about to contract Coltitis.

* And over in Denver, if they get a sore throat after choking off a victory, the diagnosis is probably a case of Broncohitis.

But maybe the most dangerous of all of these diseases has been contracted by football officials. The symptoms are quick whistles and an urge to throw their flags.

Is it just me, or is that a classic case of Yellow Fever.

On with the picks. Last week 17-6, season 30-12 (.714).

HIGH SCHOOLS

Middletown 34, Boonsboro 9

North Hagerstown 31, Loch Raven 10

South Carroll 38, Smithsburg 13

Catoctin 33, South Hagerstown 16

Martinsburg 20, Briar Woods 7

Musselman 14, Washington 7

Hedgesville 13, James Wood 12

Chambersburg 16, Gettysburg 12

James Buchanan 19, Middletown (Pa.) 16

Greencastle 21, Susquehanna Township 17

New Oxford 15, Waynesboro 8

Frankfort 37, Berkeley Springs 6

Mercersburg Academy 27, Landon 13

Saint James 39, Bishop Walsh 30

Clear Spring 20, Hancock 12

COLLEGES

West Virginia 24, Maryland 17

Penn State 45, Kent State 13

Shepherd 28, Fairmont 22

PROS

Ravens 17, Bengals 14

Redskins 20, Texans 17

Titans 19, Steelers 14

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