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Most parties are just too noisy to join

May 27, 2010|By TIM ROWLAND

I'm currently a man without a political party, so if you hear of any good ones, let me know.

I used to be a Democrat, but I got chased out by the labor unions and trial lawyers and the National Organization for Women. So I became a Republican, but I was chased out by Moral Majority, corporate immorality and the voices that echo in the heads of Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck.

That left me for a while as a Libertarian. That was a pretty good fit, since they hate everything and, for the most part, so do I.

But then came along this cat from Kentucky, who's basically a Libertarian running as a Republican.

I didn't pay him much mind until I heard him say that the Civil Rights movement was pretty much OK, except that he didn't think that private businessmen (I would say "or women" but I'm not sure he would acknowledge female ownership of anything) should be under any obligation to serve black people.

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Sigh.

Well, back to the drawing board.

Look, I can see the logic. If you are a private businessman you should not have to serve anyone you don't want to serve. And if you are a private businessman you should be able to dump toxic sewage into the creek, so long as the creek runs through your property. And if you are a private businessman, you really shouldn't have to pay your bills to other companies if you don't feel like it.

That's why it's called free enterprise. You should be able to do whatever you want without any heavy handed "laws" and "rules" staring you in the chops. (I must say, however, the economy must have been a lot better back in the '30s than it is now. I don't know any modern businessman who can afford to pick and choose his customers based on any color other than green.)

Still, this line of thinking is a bit peppery for me, so I guess I'll keep searching. I could go with the communists if they wouldn't make me wait in line for soup and I could fit in with the Green Party if it weren't for all those environmentalists.

It all makes you wonder: What ever happened to "normal?"

Maybe I'm romanticizing things, but I seem to recall that politics could get ugly, but it didn't matter a whole lot because both parties were weighted toward the center and you didn't have any real freaks on one side or the other. Well, you did, but nobody paid any attention to them.

Now, nobody pays any attention to anyone who isn't borderline wack.

I guess it's all part of creeping entertainmentism, where we have television sets in our cars, movies on our telephones and we can't be bothered by any normal politician or pundit who isn't convulsing on the floor and speaking in tongues.

It's so hard for "normal" to get noticed these days. Perhaps the truly moderate politician stands no chance. "What, you want a reasonable degree of fiscal responsibility and a social agenda that calls for the humane treatment of all people? You're boring, get lost."

Instead we are drawn to those whose jaws are flapping in the wind with overheated pronouncements of -- well, that's the problem, isn't it? You don't know what they're pronouncing, other than the fact that they despise the pronouncements of the other guy.

That's politics today. All noise. No normal. And no party for me.

Not that any of them would have me.

Tim Rowland is a Herald-Mail columnist. He can be reached at 301-733-5131, ext. 2324, or via e-mail at timr@herald-mail.com. Tune in to the Rowland Rant video under opinion@herald-mail.com, on antpod.com or on Antietam Cable's WCL-TV Channel 30 evenings at 6:30. New episodes are released every Wednesday.

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