Movie review: "Clash of the Titans"

April 07, 2010|By BOB GARVER / Special to The Herald-Mail
  • Sam Worthington portrays Perseus in a scene from "Clash of the Titans."
Warner Bros. Pictures,

"Clash of the Titans" is a fairly generic sword-and-sandals epic filled with unconvincing CGI. To help the film become a bad-but-fun experience, here are some Popcorn Games for you to play while you wait for the film to end:

o The film stars Sam Worthington, current King of the Blockbuster Epics after his roles in "Avatar" and "Terminator: Salvation." Here he is cast as Perseus, a demigod (half god, half human) in ancient Greece. Eat a piece of popcorn every time fails to hide his Australian accent.

o Liam Neeson plays Zeus, greatest of all gods. He is supposed to be the "good guy" of the Big Three Gods (the other two being Poseidon and Hades). Eat a piece of popcorn every time he just comes across as an egomaniacal jerk.

o The plot revolves around the gods and their need for prayers for humans. Apparently their power derives from these and without them they will die off. Eat two pieces every time the gods mention this, but seem to be getting along just fine without them.


o Hades (Ralph Fiennes) interrupts a fancy party at the palace in Argos to inform everyone that in a few days he will destroy the city unless they sacrifice the local princess. He kills the queen just to show who's boss. Eat a piece of popcorn for every point on a scale of one to 10 that the princess seems upset that he's just killed her mother. In other words, eat one piece.

o Hades won't destroy Argos by himself, he'll use a mythical creature called a Kraken. Eat three pieces of popcorn when you realize that it's only been three years since we've had another Kraken movie with "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest."

o Perseus sets out on a journey to find a way to stop the Kraken. Along the way he encounters various CGI creatures, some good (flying Pegasus horses, desert people who look like threatening Ewoks), some bad (giant scorpions, an ugly freak of a disgraced king). Eat a piece of popcorn every time you get the feeling that the filmmakers couldn't come up with any good use for these creatures, but wanted to "work them in" anyway.

o Perseus is accompanied by a band of soldiers, many of whom are easy to confuse with one another. Eat a piece of popcorn for every one of them you can remember. If you can't remember any of them, just eat one piece and count "the one with the beard" as one.

o Eat a piece of popcorn every time someone in the group beats up Perseus to teach him a lesson about fighting. There are at least two times that I can remember, there may have been more.

o Perseus is accompanied by Io (Gemma Arterton), a fellow demigod who becomes a love interest. Eat three pieces of popcorn when you realize that she never mentions who her father is and that there is a one-in-three chance that she and Perseusare both Zeus's son.

o The group has to get advice from a trio of witches who can see into the future. Eat three pieces of popcorn every time you forget for a moment that you're not watching "Macbeth."

o The group has to do battle with Medusa, the mythical snake lady who can turn people to stone if they look her in the eyes. You're going to want to yell "squint, you morons" at the characters. Stuff your mouth with popcorn instead.

o And finally, shove an entire bag of popcorn up your nose when the gods finally do battle with each other and we finally get the "Clash of the Titans" that the title promises. Don't worry, you'll never have to do this because we never get it.

"Clash of the Titans" is rated PG-13 for fantasy action violence, some frightening images, and brief sensuality. Running time is 116 minutes.

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