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A Syd by any other name would pick as sweet

September 09, 2009|By BIG SYDNEY

Did you ever notice how stupid stories make big waves ever since the 24-hour news cycle has come into the world?

We have Jon and Kate, Tequila-gate and celebrity dates. Things that weren't that important are now getting 15 days of fame.

It didn't used to bother me until I got swept up in it, but to be honest, being the stealthy, WIDE-ly popular pigskin prognosticator that I am, it was only a matter of time.

I had about as much anonymity as any plus-size point picker who wears his coaching shorts two sizes too small could ever expect. I should have realized -- even if it was just from my wardrobe -- that things would eventually pour over the sides.

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So now, after nearly four decades of doing this, someone out there has started a campaign to divulge my last name. After all these years as being known as Big Sydney, that isn't good enough anymore.

Why?

It's OK for a bunch of others to be singular with a single name.

Why can't I still strike a pose with Madonna?

Or Believe and have a Sonny disposition like Cher?

Or look for Klum and avoid doom like Seal?

My picks have kept you spellbound like Merlin.

I've done the trick like Penn and Teller or even Houdini.

You have been able to get the football picture from me like Picasso, even though it left something to the imagination.

I've been able to do my thing just for kicks like Pele. That's been my goal.

Over the years, my picks have nailed it just like Hammer, and you can't touch this.

And I've kept things all shook up like Elvis ... Thank you, thank you very much.

But none of that matters.

I have reporters snooping around Dargan looking for any clue to my last name.

They have tried to tap into my birth certificate, my Omaha Steaks membership and my Bosley Hair receipts to break this suddenly big story.

They even went to my handpicked law firm of Dewey, Pickham and Howe, but they didn't crack, citing lawyer-client privilege.

I've had enough. I'm going to crack. It is all taking me out of my personal point-picking place at the most inopportune time, the beginning of the football season.

But no. I won't give in. I'll throw them off the scent.

I'll follow another famous guy's lead and change my name to something like |_| (The portly pigskin prognosticator formerly known as Big Sydney).

Wouldn't that be Princely?

On with the predictions. Last week: 13-6 (.684).

HIGH SCHOOLS

Hancock 24, Saint James 14

Urbana 34, South Hagerstown 19

North Hagerstown 20, Frederick 16

Boonsboro 27, South Carroll 13

East Hardy 37, Clear Spring 20

Williamsport 25, Northern Garrett 13

Smithsburg 30, Walkersville 28

Altoona 41, Chambersburg 21

East Pennsboro 34, James Buchanan 6

Martinsburg 31, Thomas Johnson 27

Mountain Ridge 26, Hedgesville 22

James Wood 17, Musselman 13

Sherando 29, Washington 14

Broad Run 33, Jefferson 18

Gettysburg 27, Waynesboro 7

Greencastle 34, West Perry 21

Hampshire 18, Berkeley Springs 15

Spingarn 22, Mercersburg Academy 12

COLLEGES

Maryland 37, James Madison 14

Penn State 42, Syracuse 20

West Virginia 34, East Carolina 27

Shepherd 21, Fairmont State 13

PROS

Steelers 27, Titans 20

Ravens 24, Chiefs 13

Giants 20, Redskins 10

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