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Big Sydney -- '09 Cson strts W a msg from Big Syd

September 02, 2009|By BIG SYDNEY

Technology makes me squeamish.

I don't do well with hip electronic things.

I mean, when it comes to watching football tapes, I'd rather have a coach's clicker with a reel of film than a DVD burner, digital camera and 55-button remote control any day.

I like it simple ... real grass over synthetic turf. Cleats over Crocs. More taste over less filling.

But I was sent for a loop over the summer. I found out a cell phone wasn't Ma Bell in jail and started getting all these weird symbols on my screen that made all the gestures my former offensive coordinator used as signals look like he was just dealing with a bad rash.

It was text messaging ... and it was as foreign to me as a house salad.

I spent the majority of my nine-month vacation trying to figure out what it all meant.

First, I tried to flag down Vanna White, just for her to fill in a vowel or two.

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She couldn't help.

Then I went to Dargan's newest tech business, a paper recycler and Twitter station known as Shredded Tweets. They helped some.

The first message was:

dEr Syd, I duno hw u kip u pace ^ 4 ll dis tym. uv bn picken gmes 4 so lng, mayB u shd tnk bout retiring. ey, f u dnt lk it, u cn alw cum bac. I did. yr bstfrnd Brett Favre

It said:

Dear Syd,

I do not know how you keep you pace up for all this time. You have been picking games for so long, maybe you should think about retiring. Hey, if you do not like it, you can always come back. I did.

Your best friend,

Brett Favre

The only French I know is bread and fries, but that would have been easier.

Then there was this one.

ey, dis S Dominos. wz dat 2x or 3x cheez on dat uber xtra lg <). hw mnE RU feedin? u Rnt gunA hld us 2 30 mins or less, r u. Got nu shox on d ride 2 delivA dis beast.

Which was:

Hey, This is Dominos. Was that double or triple cheese on that super extra large pizza. How many are you feeding? You aren't going to hold us to 30 minutes or less, are you. Got new shocks on the ride to deliver this beast.

Then there was:

u nd a nu img. f@ aint ll dat. yr piks r gud, bt ur 2 hvy 2B my bro. u nd 2 drop wgt so ppl taK u seriSly. I gotcha tym n eats W Jenny. txt me.

Which really was:

You need a new image. Fat is not all that. Your picks are good, but you are too heavy to be my brother. You need to drop weight so people take you seriously. I got you time and eats with Jenny. Text me.

I couldn't tell if that was my mother, my agent or my sports editor.

Whichever it was, I need a new one. Losing weight is one thing, but texting? Remember, I alternate players to send in plays.

On with the predictions. Last season: 155-70 (.688).

HIGH SCHOOLS
Thomas Johnson 41, North Hagerstown 14
South Hagerstown 27, Berkeley Springs 13
Boonsboro 30, Owings Mills 14
Northern Garrett 26, Smithsburg 20
North Carroll 33, Williamsport 18
Manchester Valley 22, Clear Spring 12
Hancock 7, Rappahannock County 6
Mountain Ridge 27, Jefferson 21
James Wood 44, Washington 23
Sherando 27, Musselman 10
Clarke County 31, Hedgesville 14
Martinsburg 34, Potomac Falls 30
Lower Dauphin 42, Chambersburg 13
Waynesboro 21, New Oxford 19
Greencastle 33, James Buchanan 12
COLLEGES
California 38, Maryland 20
Penn State 51, Akron 10
West Virginia 45, Liberty 7
Shepherd 27, Bowie State 17

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