Are they trying to cover up page 962, subsection C, which calls for the confiscation of all income earned over $40,000 a year to pay for a condoms-in-kindergarten program? Do they want us to ignore page 466, which calls for the amputation of all NRA members' trigger fingers?
It must be so. They'll tell you that this plan is similar to Canada's sorry excuse for a health care system, and they'll admit to you that you have your choice of doctors. What they're not saying is that you will have your choice of Canadian doctors. You want your tonsils scraped, you're going to have to book a flight to Montreal and get an appointment from some physician named Napoleon LeTour.
And maybe all of these pundits are so hung up on the public-option question that they "forgot" to tell you the bill includes a government Kash for Kidneys program, where doctors harvest one organ from every adult for transplant in congressional politicians who burned through theirs sitting in their offices drinking single malt scotch.
Forgot. Or maybe they just don't want you to know.
I have yet to find a blogger bold enough to stand up and tell you that you can only get care for advancing cancer after all illegal aliens have received treatment for flu-like symptoms and all welfare girls have gotten prescriptions for their morning-after pills.
And are you over the age of 56? Well, forget it. Again, read the bill, which states: "Those of advancing years, who are sucking up precious medications and ingesting vital nutrients that could be more efficiently allocated among people who have more than 40 years to live, shall only be availed of holistic medications such as milkthistle pulp and cornflower juice."
I remember seeing that sentence in the bill myself. I think it's somewhere in the back.
Mark my words, if this bill passes you can just forget about everything you thought you knew about traditional medicine. Instead of fighting disease, we will be told to accept it as a natural part of the life cycle. Universal health care? More like Unitarian health care, I say.
Good luck with that fibromyalgia defense after this passes. You'll be lucky if they take you seriously if you come in with a gunshot wound to the temple.
So you can believe all the hype if you want, but I'm not buying it. And don't say you weren't warned.
Meantime, I'll see you around the emergency room. The line starts in Clear Spring.
Tim Rowland is a Herald-Mail columnist. He can be reached at 301-733-5131, ext. 2324, or via e-mail at email@example.com. Tune in to the Rowland Rant video under firstname.lastname@example.org, on antpod.com or on Antietam Cable's WCL-TV Channel 30 evenings at 6:30. New episodes are released every Wednesday.