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Male revue bringing sexy back?

June 23, 2009

o If you like reading Tim Rowland, you'll love watching him. See what else Tim has to say

Hager Hall. I like the name. Sort of like Toad Hall from "The Wind and the Willows," but with a local twist. Seeing as how Dual Highway is on a direct east-west vector at that point, I might also have gone with Hager Henge.

Even so, sounds as if there's some naughty, naughty stuff going down at the Hall (Hager, not Seton). The establishment was hauled up before the liquor board on allegations that some male dancers - and by male dancers, we are not talking about Bob Fosse - got a little too up close and personal with some of the clientele.

I'm sure Hager Hall just hates this kind of publicity. They wouldn't want word to leak out that there is titillating, sexy stuff going on behind its doors, no sir. It's like the Viagra "warning" of you-know-whats lasting more than four hours. Bummer.

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"Four hours? Forget it man. Three hours and forty-five minutes is my limit."

According to The Herald-Mail and Scandal Sheet, liquor board investigators said they saw customer tables pushed up against the stage in violation of a 6-foot-buffer rule. Also, male dancers were "mixing with the crowd, accepting money stuffed in their clothes."

Clothes being in the eye of the beholder. One inspector said the clothes in question were G-strings. Another said "swim trunks."

To be clear, I was not there. But I'm thinking if women wanted to see swim trunks, they'd be lining up outside Potterfield Pool.

I'm also a bit curious about this 6-foot rule. Who knew that there was a leash law for strippers? I suppose I can see the point, although if John Holmes (rest his soul) is in the performance, no one is safe.

The law - I love the thought of legislators sitting around the conference table discussing this stuff - also prohibits simulated sex acts. One dude, dressed as a police officer ("Hey there little darlin', click it or ticket") approached a woman from the lee and, according to inspectors, engaged in what a real police officer might have called a first-degree simulation.

Joe Rouse (if there is a God, his middle initial is A.), an attorney who co-owns Hager Hall, took issue with the characterization, saying that you can't have - well, never mind what he said, just figure that he must have gone to the same law school as Bill Clinton.

Whatever, he must be doing something right, because the show attracted 800 women, which makes me fear for the future of Washington County. Like, is there a World War going on somewhere and all males between the age of 18 and 35 are overseas?

Is the state of Washington County maledom at such an all-time low that 800 women told Chauncy to microwave his own fish sticks that night, and laid down real money to watch some goober grease his deltoids?

Apparently so. What's less clear is what all this has to do with the liquor board. Doesn't Hagerstown have a Hootchie-Coo Board? I can't think of any connection between vodka and sex.

Rouse said he believes Hager Hall might be eligible for a special permit that allows liquor to be served at risqu performances. Similar exemptions have been given to the Washington County Playhouse and The Maryland Theatre.

Whoa. You mean? What's the symphony been doing all this time? Forget Hager Hall, I'm off to The Maryland Theatre.

Tim Rowland is a Herald-Mail columnist. He can be reached at 301-733-5131, ext. 2324, or by e-mail at timr@herald-mail.com. Tune in to the Rowland Rant video at www.herald-mail.com, on antpod.com or on Antietam Cable's WCL-TV Channel 30 evenings at 6:30. New episodes are released every Wednesday.

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