Teen's writings: 'Why doesn't dad love me?'

June 01, 2009|By ERIN JULIUS

HAGERSTOWN -- Journal writings and school records of the 15-year-old girl accused of asking a friend to kill her father appear to reveal a troubled teenager who wrote poetry, sometimes about her father, often seemed depressed and wondered whether she could go on living.

Danielle Black is charged with solicitation of first-degree murder in the death of her father. A Washington County Circuit Court judge ruled last week that she will stand trial in adult court.

Court records containing her writings were made available shortly after Thursday's decision that her case would go forward in the adult criminal system.

The body of her father, Billy Lee Black, 47, was found the morning of Oct. 31, 2008, in a pool of blood behind a house at 210 James St. in Hagerstown's West End.


Alec Scott Eger, 20, of 15 Berner Ave., is charged with first-degree murder and felony murder in Black's death. Eger is not the person prosecutors allege Black asked to kill her father.

In what appears to be a poem dated Sept. 15, 2008, and included in court documents, Black wrote:

That's the problem

people just don't care

I want my dad to

but I can't make him care.

I feel like nothing

I feel like there's no reason to live

Why doesn't dad love me?

Why doesn't he want me to live?

I can't take much more

All I want is some love and a kiss

I just want my dad back

My dad I really do miss.

Another poem contained in the files, says in part:

This mask I wear,

she serves me well

She hides my pain

So they can't tell

They see her smile

Never my tears

She shows no sorrow

She fights all my fears

That poem ends this way:

My scars she hides,

behind laughter and lies

She says she is fine

but slowly she dies.

The writings were discussed by attorneys and admitted into evidence during last week's hearing about whether Black should be tried as a juvenile or an adult.

She also wrote:

You don't know me or any of my moves

I'm not gonna be dead

Your [sic] the one who's gonna lose

Well I do weed and I do meds

I never listened to anything you said

Your [sic] finally gonna get everything you deserve

I couldn't take it any more [sic]

you get on my nerves

Your time is now up

I promise it won't hurt much

I'll have a smile on my face especially at lunch.

In what appears to be a later writing, the author writes, in part:

I can call off my people

so you don't have to die

just understand if you do it again

you won't have a life to live

your days would be numbered

your ass would be gone

but you apologized for everything

you ever did wrong

your being so cool

your being the father I never had

That's all I ever wanted from you

I only wanted a dad.

In other writings, the author threatens an unknown person, "I'll use my magic to hurt you" and claims to be a Wiccan. Shortly after the Wiccan reference, she writes, "I'm not afraid to go to jail."

Not all of the writings are threatening. One seems to be a conversation between Danielle and an unknown person. In it, she describes sexual activity.

Many of the poems are dark.

In a writing dated Jan. 3, 2008, the writer talks about "pain running through my veins" and describes her world as dividing.

In a poem dated Jan. 4, 2008, the writer keeps apologizing to an unknown person and writes about her heart breaking. It's unclear for what she is apologizing.

I love you to [sic] much to lose you

If you left me I wouldn't know what to do

I would probably try to kill myself.

Black might have tried to commit suicide on Feb. 19, 2008, according to a psychosocial evaluation of her prepared by Beate Zipperle, a licensed clinical social worker employed by the Office of the Public Defender.

While in school, Black took 20 60-milligram Cymbalta tablets and 20 20-milligram Phenergan pills. She was discharged from the University of Maryland Medical Center in Baltimore on Feb. 20, 2008, with a recommendation that she receive outpatient counseling, court records show.

According to Zipperle's report, at one point when Danielle was in the home, Billy Black threatened to kill himself with a loaded gun.

While at a juvenile detention center in Rockville, Md., Danielle Black was diagnosed with adjustment disorder, the report show.

She also underwent clinical therapy sessions while at the center. The sessions focused on helping her develop coping skills and strategies to cope with anxiety and depressive symptoms and grief related to the loss of her father, according to the report.

Victim-impact statements

The Herald-Mail also obtained victim-impact statements written by Billy Black's widow, Andrea Black, and other family members.

Andrea Black wrote, "My life is like a nightmare that never ends."

She lives with her daughter and son-in-law, and wrote that she is afraid to go outside because she fears "they would do the same to me that they did to Billy."

She describes a happy relationship with Billy Black, whom she met about five years before his death. They were married for one year and four months, she wrote.

"We had a love in five years that most people never find in a lifetime. He was kind, caring and loving, he loved his family and wanted the best for them," she wrote.

She describes Billy as being by her side while she battled an illness.

"We had so many plans together and now I have to go on without him," she wrote. "I love and miss him but I thank God for the time he gave me with Billy. And it upsets me when I think about the horrible way he died. He was a wonderful man, and he did not deserve to die that way."

Billy Black's brother, Wesley Black, and his wife, Heidi Black, also submitted victim-impact statements.

They wrote that the death of Billy Black "has been extremely hard for us to handle."

On the day before he died, Billy Black called his sister-in-law, who works for Washington County Public Schools, asking her to help get help for Danielle Black, according to their statement.

"That's the last time I talked to Billy ... begging for help for Danielle."

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