Kelly's Cuts

A wry look at the world of Mail Call

A wry look at the world of Mail Call

March 26, 2009|By KELLY MORENO

o "I enrolled my dog in one of those home correspondence courses that they advertise on TV, and they really work. She is now barking fluently in three different languages." - Sharpsburg

I want the course that just teaches my dog not to bark so much in the one language she knows already.

o "The city moved sidewalks out into the street, on the first block of South Potomac Street. Now delivery trucks have to block one lane of traffic for deliveries. Now they are going to add a lane for traffic on West Franklin Street, because of bottleneck. Where is common sense?" - Hagerstown

Maybe common sense is late getting here because it got stuck in Hagerstown traffic?

o "I just got behind a car here in Hagerstown. There's a woman driving it. She has a cell phone in one hand, was lighting up a cigarette in the other hand, has a little kid in the back, and just went through a red light. If she can't even do one thing at a time, why is she doing that many things at a time? So, you know, I think they shouldn't be allowed smoking anyway, with little kids in the car." - Berkeley Springs, W.Va.


If she keeps it up, this bad driver won't be doing any of those things, will she?

o "Fifty dollars to play a game of golf? Get real. I'll just take my golf ball and go for a walk." - Clear Spring

Just be sure your golf ball is on a leash, so it doesn't roll into the street and get hit by someone running a red light.

o "Fed up with sitting in traffic? Here's your answer. Too many Pennsylvania people heading back that way towards Pennsylvania. Bad lights, lights that are not synchronized. Bad drivers, drivers who set at a light after it's turned green for at least three minutes before they wake up and find out it's green. That's just a couple of your problems." - Hagerstown

Maybe they shouldn't be napping there, but at least some drivers do stop at red lights.

o "Some advice to those beings who operate motor vehicles in the city of Hagerstown: For your information, a green light means 'go' on this planet." - Hagerstown

OK, let's get this straight. A green light means "go," not "take a nap." But how are we supposed to "go" when there's a delivery truck in the way? Then there's that woman running the red light ... maybe we'd better just walk.

A "high five" to these callers:

o "Something I think we all tend to forget about is the tragic lives of the innocent men, women and children in the war-torn countries around the world. Just imagine the terror they experience every day as the leaders of the armies and terrorists wreak havoc on them. How would we feel watching our towns being blown apart? I feel so helpless, and hope and pray things can improve." - Greencastle, Pa.

o "I noticed in the giveaway section of the classified ads this past week, there is a cat which has not been 'spaded.' This must be a garden variety cat. I suppose it is awaiting warmer weather so it can be planted outside. The correct spelling of the term used for ensuring no pregnancies in this cat would be 'spayed'. I am always amazed that print material contains so many errors today. I guess they don't teach spelling like they did in the 'old days.' It does make me wonder if The Herald-Mail has a proofreader." - Smithsburg

o "This is for everyone, but mostly for senior citizens. Be very alert to checks coming in the mail. Read the letters carefully. If you cash it, you might be buying something you don't want. Also, be alert to your credit card bills. Check them carefully. This will get worse, because companies are getting desperate." - Hagerstown

Kelly Moreno is an editorial assistant for The Herald-Mail.

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