Kelly's Cuts

A wry look at the world of Mail Call

A wry look at the world of Mail Call

January 15, 2009|By KELLY MORENO

o "I am really, really, really beginning to worry. Due to the economy, I've been eating a lot of pet food, and it's really not all that bad. But anyway, I haven't been exactly feeling the greatest, and on top of all that, I came up behind my wife the other day when she was on the phone, and she was making an appointment at the vet's for me. So I don't know what's going on, but I want everybody to be thinking about me." -- Sharpsburg

You'll feel better if you just go lie down and chew on your rawhide like a good boy.

o "I'm watching the news, and they're talking about how people can't afford to do this or that or have their decorations up, including the towns and so forth. I wonder how much the CEOs are giving up." -- Williamsport

I'm sure they're sacrificing, too -- maybe buying store-brand caviar, or even, heaven forbid, wearing last season's Armani suits.


o "I was wondering if someone can satisfy my curiosity. I'm curious as to why all the fire hydrants in Sharpsburg are wrapped in black plastic and duct tape. I've noticed them quite a few times over the last few weeks. I just wonder if someone can help me out." -- Williamsport

Maybe the fire hydrants were leaking, and disposable diapers just weren't doing the job?

o "This is a good one for somebody to read about. Yesterday, which was Wednesday, Jan. 7, I went to my dentist to get my teeth cleaned, and while I was left laying in the chair, he chose to answer his cell phone, carrying on a conversation, left me lay there. How professional is this for the medical profession?" -- Hagerstown

It's very unprofessional. Where did he think he was, in his car, or at the movies?

o "That's all the Republicans want to do is drill, drill, drill -- instead of thinking of alternative sources of energy. Drill, drill, drill. Maybe all the Republicans in Congress, maybe they want to be dentists." -- Hagerstown

Some folks will do anything to be able to talk on their cell phones at work.

o "With the recent decision to permit alcohol in The Maryland Theatre, it is very evident that downtown Hagerstown is the place to go drink. Revitalization is alcohol-based. Why not permit smoking in the theater, as this would add business also? If you would permit dogs you could pick up a few more customers. Alcohol, cigarettes and dogs would be a big draw." -- Greencastle, Pa.

Except that most of us don't allow our dogs to drink and smoke in public. They tend to miss the ashtray when they've had a few too many swigs of Mad Dog.

A "high five" to these callers:

o "I just wanted to remind people to be a little helpful when you're shopping, especially at the busier stores, like Wal-Mart, where there's shopping carts sitting all over the parking lot. If you're gonna need a cart in the store, why not just grab one out of the parking lot and help clear it out? Just be a little helpful." -- Hagerstown

o "I almost had a collision again this morning. I pulled out in front of a car with no headlights on. The number of people that drive without headlights on in the rain, the dark, the snow, is unacceptable. There's a law for our safety. I truly hope that the police will do more to enforce the law." -- Hagerstown

Kelly Moreno is a Herald-Mail columnist.

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