Kelly's Cuts

A wry look at the world of 'Mail Call'

A wry look at the world of 'Mail Call'

December 18, 2008|By KELLY MORENO

"This is to the caller who is worried about someone wearing their pajamas shopping. I'll be shopping on Saturday, and believe me, I'll have my Grinch pajamas on. So come on over to the Hagerstown mall and see it."
Grinch pajamas? That is so last year. Everyone knows that today's best-dressed shopper wears Hannah Montana pajamas.

"I was wondering if one night I decided to go to town and had my nightgown on, how it would be if I went to the stores in my nightgown and my bedroom slippers. Everybody's wearing their pajamas, so hey, get with the program, right? Our mothers would flip over if they knew that we were going to town in pajamas." -- Greencastle, Pa.
But Mom, all the other grown women are wearing pajamas to go shopping; why can't I? It's just not fair!

"Advice for the fellow who has gone through five wives but still has his loyal dog: The only requirement for maintaining a dog's loyalty is to provide food. Most women need a little more than that." -- Hagerstown
Goodness, yes -- we women also need a bowl of fresh water every day. And a squeaky toy would be nice, too. And can we go for a walk? Can we, huh?


"To the person who was calling on what to do with their junk mail: Make sure you remove all of your personal information, and if it has a self-addressed stamped envelope, stuff it all back in the envelope and mail it to them. It'll fill up their landfills and waste their time. And it might make you laugh a little." -- Hagerstown
Sure, what's funnier than filling up landfills?

"Did you ever have a problem remembering which side of your auto the gas tank is on? Look at the dashboard, and you will see a gas symbol. If the hose is on the left, the tank is on the left, and if on the right, the tank is on the right."
Sorry, but if this is a big problem, should we even be driving?

"I'm calling about the person calling in about the people complaining about the price of gas going up but not about beer prices going up. Well, that's not hard to figure out. You don't drink as much as you drive. Drinking is a choice but gas is a must. You've got to have gas every day." -- Hagerstown
I don't know that we all want to "have gas" every day. ... but we do want to put it in our cars -- if only we could figure out how.

A "high five" to these callers:

o "This community, I don't know if it wants to progress or regress. Now people are complaining about the stop light cameras. That is part of progress. Of course, the bottom line is that it's actually common sense. We should have those cameras, the way people drive in this area. I support it 100 percent. These people that say it's gonna be dangerous and just a racket to make money. Well, slow down a little bit and obey the traffic signals and you won't have any problems. If my tax money goes toward that, so be it, because I see people running red lights every day when I drive through town." -- Hagerstown

o "I just thought of something, about all you hunters out there, and all you naysayers about the environment and about global warming. If the earth dies, humankind dies. If humankind dies, the earth survives. So we need the earth more than the earth needs us. That's just food for thought for all you people who think there's no global warming. Without the earth, we can't survive, so think about that." -- Hagerstown

Kelly Moreno is an editorial assistant with The Herald-Mail. Her column appears every other Thursday.

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