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Kelly's Cuts

A wry look at the world of 'Mail Call'

A wry look at the world of 'Mail Call'

November 06, 2008

  • "I'm calling in response to the letter that was in Wednesday's paper about the woman with a problem with crickets. The only thing I know is to buy a gecko. They eat crickets." - Hagerstown

    The gecko will not only get rid of the crickets for you, but you also get to hear all the cute things he says with that neat British accent.

  • "This is to the caller from Halfway who called in about wanting to get rid of crickets. There is an upside to everything. The upside to this would be a cricket's life expectancy is only six to eight weeks, so until then, enjoy the wonderful sounds of nature." - Washington County

    There's not much of an up- side for the crickets, though; only getting to live six to eight weeks - and that's only if the gecko doesn't eat them first.

  • "It's 10 p.m. on a Friday night, a weekend, school's not in, but every light in the place is on. Nobody's there and every light in the house is on. That's saving money in Washington County? Are we keeping the mice alive?" - Washington County

    We're just leaving the lights on so the mice can see to read their tiny copies of "Of Mice and Men."

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  • "I'd like for people who own these cats and they're out eating birdseed, I think they should feed them." - Mount Lena

    Or send the cats to the school building so they can get rid of the mice, so we can turn the darn lights out.

  • "I would like to know how one goes about getting high school football coaches removed from their job. A certain local football coach has been there forever, and has not changed in 25 years."

    Wow, I'd like to know what skin care products he's using.

  • "I went to college that was then called the Western Maryland College, now called McDaniel, and I had a professor who emphatically, emphatically said that the town's name was not Westminister; it's Westminster, as in don't put an extra 'i' in it, because it's not pronounced that way. But I hear all the sportscasters and everybody else - it's 'Westminster'. So if you could get somebody to correct that, I'd certainly appreciate it." - Hagerstown

    We will, just as soon as we get people to pronounce "Washington" correctly.

  • "I'm not a big fan of reliance on nuclear power, but I continue to hear Bush talk about 'nucular' power, spelled, I'm assuming 'nucular'. I'd like to hear a little more about this. If anybody has any information, please let me know." - Boonsboro

    Maybe the folks in "Warshtin" can explain it.

  • "To Mercersburg: If gas was cheaper when the Republicans were in office, who do you think is in office now? I'll give you a hint, his last name starts with a 'B'."

    What's with all these hard questions? Can I get another hint, please?




    A "high five" to these callers:

    o "On the front page of the newspaper, there are stories about the doom and gloom of Wall Street, failed businesses, and the downfall of the economy. When you turn to the inside, you read where new schools and shopping centers are to be built. So where is this money coming from? The only way I'd support a new shopping center is if they would only sell American-made goods. This would help our economy more than importing all the merchandise from overseas." - Smithsburg

    o "I'm calling about the article that was in Tuesday, Oct. 14's paper, about the students putting on the intoxicating glasses and riding the Gators, to see what it was like to be impaired driving. I think the teacher, Amy Schmuck, is wonderful. If she saves one life, God bless her. I wish we had more teachers in this area like her. Thank you very much." - Falling Waters, W.Va.

    o "What ever happened to social cues? We held a party recently which required an RSVP. Plenty of time was given to RSVP. Several people never responded. How difficult, in this day and age, is it to pick up a phone and respond? Is everyone too busy?" - Hagerstown

    o "The millions of dollars for this presidential campaign, both primaries and general election, is obscene. I do believe this money could have been put to better use, to help people in serious financial distress.

    Instead, we have had millions upon millions spent to spread half-truths and distorted, partial, and out-and-out lies. I for one would vote for any candidate that would show a larger concern for the public than becoming president. This job is an ego power trip. Wake up, America.

    Think about what your candidates are doing and have done, not what they are saying they will do. Talk is cheap, action is value." - Hagerstown

    Kelly Moreno is an editorial assistant with The Herald-Mail. Her column appears every other Thursday.

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