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Election results may be a relief for some

November 06, 2008|By TIM ROWLAND

It was nearly 10 p.m. when they called Ohio for Obama and the harsh truth hit me -- America was holding an election.

How had I missed this? There was nothing on TV, no e-mails, no letters to the editor. It was almost as if no one cared. Hit me right out of the blue. But then there it was, we have a new president and the happiest man on earth had to be the old president.

Handing over the keys of this old jalopy of a country has to be a relief. In the words of C.W. McCall, "The shaft is bent and the rear end leaks, you can fix her quick with an oily rag, use a nail to start her, I lost the key, don't pay no mind to that whirrin' sound, she use a little oil but outside'a that she's cherry."

Right. We've got a clunker, here's giving it to you, big boy.

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To be honest, I've never seen a man as relieved to lose a presidential election as John McCain, among others, whose reactions were basically this:

George Bush: "Whew."

Barack Obama: "Uh-oh, what now?"

McCain. "Oh what, I lost? Darn. Have fun with this train wreck, bye-bye."

And then there are some interesting sidekicks to pay attention to.

Like where does Joe Leiberman go from here? Last I saw, he was standing behind J-Mac bouncing his head like a bobblehead doll in support of a guy who, well, overwhelmingly lost.

So he abandoned his party in the name of supporting a losing candidate. Great career move. "Hi. I'm Joe Leiberman -- vote for me because I supported a ... what's another word for fossil?"

Cindy McCain looked happy. Get me home to my seven houses and we'll go from there.

Michelle Obama looked happy, sort of. There was still that edge that betrayed a fear of four years in the public fish bowl.

You knew it was a bad night for the GOP when the fortune tellers said things like, "Mississippi looks good for McCain." Thanks for that.

I missed Ralph Nader's concession speech. He was probably unhappy that he was unable to put the country in the hands of an incompetent for the next four years.

Sarah Palin? Where do we start? She's being mentioned as the future of the Republican party, much in the sense that Nancy Pelosi is the future of the Democratic party. Feel safe? The main question now is, who gets her clothes? She said she's giving them to charity, so if you see a hobo in Yves you'll know what gives.

And whither Joe the Plumber? I thought he was major cool, until all of a sudden he turns out to be just one more goober with a pipe wrench and a tax bill the size of Brando.

Little bit frantic, I would say, if you're running a campaign for President of the United States and you're banking your hopes on some white-socked toilet jockey. Unless you plan to lose, which would have been a smart way to go.

Maybe it's me, but I'm not sure Obama wants this job. I start thinking about everything that is wrong with this nation and things go a bit dark. So how does he fix it?

The obvious answer is with narcotics. But if he neglects this route, he may have to go with actual change, and I'm not sure the country is ready for it.

So we need to start now with reference to the failed Obama presidency and the bumper stickers that say, "Don't blame me, I voted for McCain."

After all, the best thing we can do in the name of change is resist it.

Tim Rowland is a Herald-Mail columnist. He can be reached at 301-733-5131, ext. 2324, or by e-mail at timr@herald-mail.com.

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