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DWTS: Dancing with the Syd

October 16, 2008|By BIG SYDNEY

I have the tendency to get obsessed.

I know I wrote about being dissed by those no-talent hacks at "Dancing with the Stars" before, but I can't help it. I'm hooked.

I think I should be out there dressed like Pacman Jones and high stepping to "Here Comes the Rain Again" or "I Fought the Law (and the law won)."

So this is my new philosophy: If you can't join them, beat them.

I'm starting my own show and we will film it right here in Dargan. It will be "DWTS: Dancing with the Syd." Kind of catchy, huh?

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I'm all set. I have my girlfriend, LuSydna, as my dance partner and we are ready to win this thing.

I went and did a little research at Dargan's lunch-cake bakery and podiatrist combine, known as TwinkieToes, for some background. Then I headed over to the local scissor store and toupee shop, known as Cutting a Rug, for sponsorship.

The average fan doesn't know this, but football players are huge dancers (not just in size). I've got a great story about Refrigerator Perry in a tutu, but I'll save that for another column. You know, kids read this thing.

Think about it. Linemen love to explode off the line and Tango.

Quarterbacks are into the Swing and the Pass-o Doble.

Linebackers charge, thinking "Let's get ready to Rumba."

Name a running back who doesn't try a jitterbug move.

And, what do coaches always yell?

"Hustle."

And instead of those boring ballroom dances, we have a bunch steps of our own to judge.

For the hip-hop guys, there is the Lambeau Leap.

In the team competition, we can roll out a remake of the Super Bowl Shuffle.

For soloist, there is the Icky Shuffle.

I think the Audubon society will sponsor a Dirty Bird competition.

For guest stars, we can have Randy Moss perform his step, the Moon over Green Bay. And Joe Horn can do his cell phone routine to the old Tommy Tutone song "Jenny (876-5309)."

We also have Terrell Owens' old dramatic dash to the center of the field in his pre-Cowboy days to the old Earth, Wind and Fire tune, "Shining Star." Or back then for T.O., in his Niners days, maybe it would be "You Don't Have to Be a Star (To Be in My Show)" by Marilyn McCoo and Billy Davis.

There are a lot of things we could try.

And for me, I'm saving my big dances for last.

My first one will be the Salsa, of course.

And my big surprise move? I'm going to create a combination classic ballroom move to a dance club craze. Palms up and down, to the side of the head and on the hips in a Latin, two-step beat.

I'm going to call it the Macar-engue.

On with predictions. Last week 16-5 (.762), season 95-38 (.714).

HIGH SCHOOLS

St. James 37, Bishop Walsh 27

Patterson Mill 22, Clear Spring 6

North Hagerstown 20, Walkersville 18

Smithsburg 40, South Hagerstown 12

Boonsboro 43, Brunswick 14

Greencastle 20, Northern 17

Central Dauphin 40, Chambersburg 12

Red Land 26, Waynesboro 14

Palmyra 37, James Buchanan 6

Martinsburg 31, Friendship 26

Jefferson 33, Hedgesville 6

Musselman 38, Hampshire 16

Allegany 51, Washington 12

Rockwood 18, Hancock 6

Catoctin 30, Williamsport 16

Bullis 22, Mercersburg Academy 14

COLLEGES

Wake Forest 21, Maryland 17

Penn State 28, Michigan 14

Shepherd 27, Wesleyan 13

PROS

Browns 24, Redskins 20

Dolphins 17, Ravens 10

Steelers 27, Bengals 14

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