Kelly's Cuts

A wry look at the world of 'Mail Call'

October 09, 2008|By KELLY MORENO

o "Next time City of Hagerstown does any work, construction work, you need to do borings. That tells you what's underneath the ground, and they would have known that rock was down there." - Hagerstown
There's rock underground in Hagerstown? What a surprise.

o "I'm a customer that was at a local Virginia Avenue restaurant that has remodeled, and I was sitting beside a lady who found a rubber band in her salad. I heard the owner of the store confronting an employee as if she had put the rubber band in there on purpose. The way I heard him talk to her, I will never return to that restaurant again."
Why not? I hear the paper clip soup is delicious.

o "This is in response to the ad in Thursday, Sept. 18's newspaper on why husbands cheat on their wives. A Hagerstown caller wanted to know. It's generally because other women are more attractive, take care of themselves more. A lot of women gain weight, aren't attractive anymore, don't want to do adult things anymore, and a lot of other problems, and a new person in your life is more fun and more exciting than the same old boring person, day in and day out." - Waynesboro, Pa.
OK, but tell that to Christie Brinkley, Halle Berry and Shania Twain.

o "The center of the paper, that page is national news, and I'm not sure, but I don't think Iraq's around here." - Hagerstown
I'm sure it's around here somewhere ... to the left of Albuquerque, maybe?

o "I really am getting tired of all the presidential and vice presidential things that are in the paper. I think this Mail Call is for people of Hagerstown, not for the U.S."
Oh dear, I'm getting confused about geography again.

o "The only difference between the DOC and the Titanic, the Titanic went down and had a band. The DOC doesn't." - Hagerstown
And no one's made a blockbuster movie about the Division of Correction yet.

o "Someone needs to regulate John McCain, with all of his flip-flops." - Hagerstown
I say let the man have all the flip-flops he wants. They're comfortable, inexpensive - and they come in lots of pretty colors, too.

A "high five" to these callers:

o "To the caller asking about husbands cheating: Some men are just selfish, immature, and have a total disregard for their marriage vows, or for the feelings of hurt they inflict on their families. My husband, who works at the prison, falls into that category. Luckily, I caught him and kicked him out, and I'm now divorcing him. It's his loss, not mine. Good riddance." - Hagerstown

o "I'm totally against most of this buyout situation. It sure wasn't the poor and what's left of the middle class people that put us in the situation. It was the greedy. These people played the role that they were all that, so let them learn how to live like most of us have to. Help the needy, not the greedy." - Hagerstown

o "Citizens, contact your elected representatives and tell them that this bailout should not be a freebie. These companies that pay CEOs millions of dollars should just get loans that they have to pay back to the U.S. Treasury. Why should those of us who are struggling week to week to even meet our basic needs have to bail out these companies?" - Hagerstown

o "A suggestion for saving a fairly large dollop of money: Dry your clothes on racks, instead of in the dryers. Free air moving through the home, in the bathroom, near the heat source, and you don't have to pay for the electricity or the gas. It does make for significant savings." - Hagerstown

Kelly Moreno is an editorial assistant for The Herald-Mail. This column should appear every other Thursday.

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