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Kelly's Cuts

A wry look at the world of 'Mail Call'

A wry look at the world of 'Mail Call'

September 25, 2008

"Yeah, I'm calling about the person talking about how these people are flying up and down Salem Avenue. I go up and down Salem Avenue every day just about, and I have yet to see anybody flying up and down Salem Avenue. I'll still keep looking. I'll be up and down Salem Avenue today. I'm gonna be looking for these people flying up and down Salem Avenue. I sure would like to see them." - Hagerstown

Whoever borrowed my broom, please bring it back.




"I think the federal government should increase taxes to send that money to assist UFO research." - Sharpsburg

Are UFOs flying up and down Salem Avenue, too?




"Say what you want about John McCain - he sure knows how to pick his women. Got a real pair of lookers there." - Smithsburg

All we need is one more attractive woman, and we'll have McCain's Angels.




"On Tuesday, Nov. 4, I think McCain and Palin will bomb, bomb, bomb Obama and Biden back into the Stone Age." - Hagerstown

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But I bet Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble would rather have McCain and Palin in charge of Bedrock, what with McCain having those two good-looking women with him.




"If Gov. Palin becomes Vice President Palin, is she going to spend as much time hiding out in the cave as Vice President Cheney has?" - Rohrersville

Maybe they're just busy shooting the bats in the cave.




"I just found it very significant that on Tuesday night, at the same time Hillary was speaking to the Democratic National Convention, Turner Classic Movies was broadcasting Alfred Hitchcock's 'Psycho.' I thought it'd be very significant."

Imagine what happens when Steve Martin's movie "The Jerk" is showing.




"I'm calling about the $10,000 allocated to the local Little League baseball team. Washington County Commissioners, you are now second-guessing a gift to them? Don't make these kids think that they can't trust our local politicians or grownups."

Sorry, but we can't keep the truth from them forever.




A "High Five" to these callers:

o "I'm calling regarding the BOE's transportation policy. My question is this: When did it become the responsibility of the School Board to be treated like a taxi service for parents who can't make their own plans and their own arrangements? It's not the school board's fault that people get divorced and have custody issues, and I don't think it should be their responsibility to taxi kids around all over town, to different places on different days of the week. That's something the parents need to work out."

o "I think I have heard the presidential candidates' proposals many times before from past candidates. Nothing has changed; they are still promising the same solutions to give us a utopian world. Gets old after years of the same story. Wouldn't it be nice to hear a candidate say 'I will try' or 'I would like to' instead of 'I am going to'? That's called honesty." - Greencastle, Pa.

o "One of the things I would really push for if I was a legislator was to get these phones out of people's hands on the highway. One of the main reasons is, today, which is Saturday, I was driving through the rain on the Interstate, and I saw more people with cell phones stuck to their ears than what I did with their headlights on, in that steady downpour. Why do we even pass laws?" - Hagerstown

o "I'm just calling to see if anyone would want to hold a fundraiser for Holly Place? We do things for everyone else, so why don't we do something for them for their upkeep and people who live there? I think that we should do something to help them out." - Hagerstown

Kelly Moreno is an editorial assistant for The Herald-Mail. This column should appear every other Thursday.

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