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Endorsements are mother of invention

September 25, 2008|By BIG SYDNEY

For years, I figured spending all this time as a prolific pigskin prognosticator would somehow pay off.

You know in fame ... fortune ... free meals.

The endorsements haven't rolled in the way I had planned. The best one was the chance to star as the Apple in a Fruit of the Loom commercial.

So if you can't get endorsements, create your own.

I was doing research for my football picks ... OK, I was watching games. As I flipped around stations, looking for the direct feed of the Hancock-Clear Spring game, I noticed something.

Athletes love to use liquid when they celebrate. They dump Gatorade on their coaches. They squirt champagne and colas all over the fans. They dive into lakes and ponds all in the name of winning.

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So I got this idea. I'm going to create and market a designer line of wet stuff to spill all over the place after a team wins.

I went over to Dargan's invention lab and sewing center -- Test Patterns -- to work out the idea. I got the project off the ground with the help of cost analysis by Dargan's calculus and algebra department located at the local Texas Revolution monument. You know, Pi Alamo.

Anyhow, we started out small, just looking for something simple to get our foot in the door. We combined tap water with bottled chocolate drink. We called it WaHoo.

It was a good start. But I thought we could do better.

We decided to prepare for the time when they might have a celebration in New York. We bottled seltzer with detergent and called it Bronx Cheer.

Then we carbonated seawater for the America's Cup yachting competition and called it Ship, Ship Hooray. That came after we failed with the first idea. It was french onion and sour cream to create Chip Dip Hooray.

I created a way to celebrate the perfect teammate, that athlete who makes the team but rides the bench, sometimes cheering loudly for the other guys, while waiting for the chance to play.

It was called Partly Rowdy with A Chance of Participation.

For swimming, we mixed diet soda with chlorinated water and came up with Skinny Dip.

And for basketball, we joined the aromatherapy craze. We combined swiss chocolate with coffee and came up with Windmill Dunk. It was a great rebound after the mess we had with Reverse Jam, our idea using strawberry preserves.

On with the predictions. Last week 17-6 (.739), season 49-20 (.710).

HIGH SCHOOLS

Liberty 31, North Hagerstown 20

South Hagerstown 26, Williamsport 21

Smithsburg 46, Clear Spring 12

Boonsboro 34, Francis Scott Key 14

Clay-Battelle 28, Hancock 13

Cumberland Valley 40, Chambersburg 21

Middletown (Pa.) 45, J. Buchanan 14

Musselman 47, Washington 18

University 36, Hedgesville 8

Martinsburg 41, Anacostia 13

Petersburg 20, Berkeley Springs 17

Greencastle 38, Big Spring 12

Mechanicsburg 23, Waynesboro 21

Saturday

St. James 33, Potomac School 23

Lawrenceville 21, Mercersburg 12

COLLEGES

Clemson 34, Maryland 21

Penn State 24, Illinois 20

West Virginia 44, Marshall 14

Shepherd 49, Seton Hill 20

PROS

Cowboys 24, Redskins 17

Ravens 20, Steelers 17

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