Kelly's Cuts

A wry look at the world of Mail Call

A wry look at the world of Mail Call

September 05, 2008

"Since Canada is not part of the U.S., how can John McCain take a governor from Canada to run as his V.P.?" - Falling Waters, W.Va.

o So Alaska is in Canada now? Or is Canada part of Alaska? My geography isn't so good.

"I'd like for you to put this in the paper. The doctors wrote up the wrong paper for me to go to a doctor, for another doctor, and I think cats are smarter than they are." - Mount Lena

o Well, duh. How many doctors do you know who can catch a mouse?

"Finally - finally, someone has stood up for America. The Ladies Professional Golf Association has mandated that all of their players, members, must be able to speak English and pass a functional English speaking and reading test. Finally, somebody has stood up for true American rights and beliefs, instead of having everybody come into this country and ruin it." - Hagerstown


o Now if only the LPGA could be in charge of customer-service departments.

"Since by reading Mail Call I can see that this area is overflowing with intelligent people who call in their comments to Mail Call, let's talk about something else other than the Federal Little League getting the $10,000. I'm about sick of reading that in every other article in Mail Call. Let's talk about something interesting, like what our animals can do, such as, you know, my dog can bark in Spanish, and he can bark backwards from 10 to 0, and all that stuff. Get some intelligent stuff in here, instead of this trivial stuff." - Sharpsburg

o A Spanish-speaking dog is pretty neat, but she'd better learn English or else she won't be allowed to play professional golf.

"Waah, waah, waah - sick of hearing about the nonpublished, unpublished numbers, that all you people were so badly treated because your numbers were published by mistake. Understand that word? It was a mistake, not done for any reason. So you get unwanted callers. Say "Sorry, wrong number," and hang up. What's that gonna take, a minute, a second of your time, 10 at the most? Get real. They'll stop eventually. Stop waah-waahing about this and get a life."

o Maybe these folks do have a life, and they'd prefer not to spend it answering the phone when they're trying to sleep, work or maybe eat a meal. Just a thought.

"To the person needing a GPS to find Funkstown from Oak Ridge Drive after the bridge closes: Maybe while the bridge is closed, you should stop driving and re-evaluate if you should drive after the bridge opens. And to think that Kelly gave you a "High Five." Maybe she needs to re-evaluate her driving also."

o As the old joke goes, "If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk." (I'm kidding, of course, just like the first caller was.)

"One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors, as quoted by Plato. In this year's presidential race, we had rookies and veterans at the starting gate. They're off; it's a stampede from the rear. CBS and ABC are whipping their horses. It's neck and neck. It's a photo finish. Wow, it's a tie. They both came in first. My horse, Ron Paul, lost because the media gave its horses steroid hay and oats. As usual, we're stuck with them." - Clear Spring

o I guess we really haven't been paying enough attention. There's a horse on steroids running for president? And how can we vote for it?

A "High five" to these callers:

o "I was just watching the news here, and they said that the dollar is down again today. I lost my job because of outsourcing. How can they say that the stuff that you send overseas and bring back is cheaper, when you've got to pay not only the wages over there, but for shipping and handling both ways? If somebody can explain that to me, I'd appreciate it." - Falling Waters, W.Va.

o "Why would an apartment complex buy a huge flatscreen TV for a community room (rather) than fix the dryers in the buildings that don't work? Hmm . . . just wondering where people's priorities are these days. It's a shame."

Kelly Moreno is a Herald-Mail columnist.

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