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Big Sydney: Never at a loss for words

September 05, 2008

It's been a tough summer for me.

I got this notice from The Herald-Mail at the end of last season. They told me I had to cut the fat.

I was appalled. I have been the preferred portly pigskin picker picking pickled Packers, peeving past prognosticators, probably predating prehistoric periods. Perturbed? Positively!

Downsizing this classic form would be like giving the Mona Lisa the layered look or taking sound-effect adjectives from John Madden's vocabulary.

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But for the cause -- and the paycheck -- I tried to comply with The Herald-Mail's dictator-like request.

First, I cut out 10,000 calories -- per meal -- from my diet. That fifth trip through the buffet became a watercress salad.

The football tailgate now consists of tofu kabobs.

I broke out my old leotards, the ones I wore when I was the star dancer in the production of Lynn Swann Lake, and started working out.

I headed to Dargan's new greasy spoon diner and gym -- you know Sliders and Curves -- to get a start on the new me.

I worked on my reclining chair sit-ups, my 12-ounce curls, my boarding house reach and my touchdown signaling stretches all in the name of getting ready to comply with The Herald-

Mail's devilish plan to humiliate me.

I even came up with a new name for myself. I wasn't going to be Big Sydney. The new me is now Bit Syd.

Now I'm mad.

I did all that work and came in to hand in my first column. They were impressed with my improvements, but told me that when they said "cut the fat," they meant write shorter because of a space crunch.

I had a few words for them.

(Big Syd's response has been cut because he exceeded his word count).

On with the predictions. Last season: 160-52 (.755).

HIGH SCHOOLS

North Hagerstown 24, Heritage 20

South Hagerstown 20, Century 14

Smithsburg 31, Northern Garrett 16

South Carroll 34, Williamsport 13

Clear Spring 26, Baltimore Lutheran 22

Hancock 16, Rappahannock 13

East Pennsboro 23, James Buchanan 14

Altoona 37, Chambersburg 17

Waynesboro 19, Gettysburg 13

James Wood 38, Washington 15

Sherando 35, Musselman 12

Potomac Falls 41, Hedgesville 13

Crossland 23, Boonsboro 18

Martinsburg 34, Turner Ashby 24

Greencastle 27, West Perry 10

Jefferson 17, Park View 14

Berkeley Springs 20, Hampshire 13

Mercersburg Academy 36, St. Albans 21

St. James 25, Randolph-Macon Academy 13

COLLEGES

Maryland 27, Middle Tennessee 17

Penn State 30, Oregon State 20

West Virginia 28, East Carolina 17

Shepherd 31, Bowie State 12

PROS

Bengals 24, Ravens 10

Steelers 17, Texans 13

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