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What's good for gander is good for goose

August 13, 2008|By TIM ROWLAND

The tease on the network news was so tantalizing. A senator caught having an affair. A senator and a 2008 presidential candidate. A senator and a 2008 presidential candidate named John.

And then it turns out it was only Edwards. Yawn.

When it's a second-tier politician, why do they even bother telling us anymore. Don't we all, by now, just assume? No wonder Congress takes so many vacations, they all have to go to the tailors back in the district to have their zippers overhauled.

Even Edwards, who made such a big deal out of family fealty. He did "Nightline" to explain himself, and no one cared. Although you know it's never going to be good when your first line is: "The thing we all need to remember is that I'm not the father."

So at least we didn't have an Anna Nicole Smith situation, where everyone is standing up like it's "What's My Line" to claim paternal credit.

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But as these events become more common, I am starting to notice a disturbing trend, and that's the lack of responsibility taken by the women who are involved.

These affairs do not happen in a vacuum. Yet it is always the offending dude, not the offending chick, who gets slammed. Both are equally guilty of the sin, so I believe it's time we start holding the nation's mistresses accountable.

Did prostitute Ashley Dupre lose her job after she was caught with Elliott Spitzer, as did Spitzer himself? I seriously doubt it. Instead it got her a singing career, or it would have if she could, well, sing.

Bill Clinton got impeached, yet Monica Lewinsky got a reality TV show and Gennifer Flowers got a contract for a book called, I am not kidding, "Sleeping With the President: My Intimate Years With Bill Clinton."

Gary Hart potentially lost the presidency, but Donna Rice went on to, if Wikipedia can be believed, become president of Enough is Enough, a "nonprofit organization dedicated to stopping pornography, assisting victims and campaigning to make the Internet safer for children and families."

Um, OK. Might want to think about an organization to make yachts safer for families, but that's beside the point.

The point, which by now I have pretty much completely forgotten, had something to do with the fact that these vixens' feet are never held to the same fire as the offending male.

If, instead of offering her a contract to pose nude, Penthouse magazine executives had sat down Paula Jones and given her a good talking to, it might have set a future example. True, the prospect of having to box Tonya Harding on national television might have scared away a few would-be home wreckers, but apparently not enough.

The problem is that politicians risk their careers, while the women they cat around with risk only exposure to fame and riches. There is no incentive for morality - just the opposite, in fact.

The answer, obviously, is to universally put women in all positions of power. First, women are not stupid enough to get caught. Second, if they do get caught, who is going to care? The Enquirer snaps a photo of Margaret Thatcher with Jethro Bodine and all you're going to hear are a bunch of tired cliches like, "You go girl!"

There will be no photo shoots for Jethro. And who is going to read "My Intimate Years With The Aging Prime Minister?" Not me.

Tim Rowland is a Herald-Mail columnist. He can be reached at 301-733-5131, ext. 2324 or via e-mail at timr@herald-mail.com.

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