Kelly's Cuts and more

A wry look at the 'best' of Mail Call

A wry look at the 'best' of Mail Call

July 24, 2008

"George Bush at the bottom of his graduating class. John McCain at the bottom of his graduating class. Does that ring a bell or something? Does that sound a little bit familiar? Can't we ever have somebody with a little IQ?" - Hagerstown
That is a little IQ, isn't it?

"I'm disappointed in The Maryland Theatre for asking for that. I'm also disappointed in the liquor board. Sounds like they got them in their hip pocket." - Hagerstown
Along with a flask of demon rum, no doubt.

"With all that is going on around here and the world, the local news has nothing better to report on than a Frederick woman having her Mickey Mouse statue stolen? C'mon."
That does seem a little Goofy . . . Sorry. I had to go there, didn't I?

"I was wondering if anybody knew how long it was gonna take to get this Maugans Avenue road fixed." - Hagerstown
Can you say "The twelfth of never"? That's just an estimate, of course. It could also be finished before you-know-what freezes over.


"I'm calling concerning Hagerstown's City Light plant. What is wrong with our councilmen and stuff, that we didn't agree on tearing this light plant down? Spend money there putting that fence up - you know, we're gonna have new faces in there. Something ain't right. This town is going to the dogs. Please, don't be afraid to put this in the paper, because you haven't been putting my stuff in that I keep giving you." - Hagerstown
We're just afraid dogs might read it and be offended, that's all.

"Sounds like Kelly's Cuts' author is promoting evolution, by saying 'Apes might not appreciate that remark'." - Gapland
You got me! Actually, I just meant that if any apes read Mail Call, they might not appreciate the remark about apes being ugly. We all know how vain apes can be - especially the apes who can read.

A "high five" to these callers:

"As we look in the newspaper and we hear people complain about how bad we got it today in the U.S., let's just take a look around in other parts of the world. I think we're blessed in this country. Sometimes we need to start looking on the good side instead of the negative side, because that's all we hear on the news many times is how bad things is. And we're soon to jump on our President Bush, and I haven't agreed with everything he's done, but you know, we haven't had another 9/11."

"Curses upon curse, frog eyes, snake lips and turtle doo-doo. What a disastrous situation, closing the Funkstown bridge. Now I'll have to go all the way from Oak Ridge Drive to Potomac Street, to Wilson Boulevard, just to get to Funkstown. I'll have to pack a lunch, carry an extra change of clothes - not to mention a GPS unit to help me find my way."

"If four years of English has been a requirement to graduate from high school in Washington County for a half century or more, why are vast numbers of Washington Countians unable speak or write an English sentence? The everyday grammar evidenced in this column and in conversations with local natives is atrocious. Typical examples: 'I seen it' and 'He don't never do nothing'." - Washington County

"While I may not be able to identify the league or the individual names, you know who you are, and shame on you. Little League is supposed to be of, by, and for the children. While you parents are infighting, backstabbing and undermining each other while trying to recapture your lost youth, the kids just want to play and have fun. And despite you, these kids will still be friends tomorrow. Maybe you should learn from them, and grow up." - Hagerstown

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