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Kelly's Cuts ...and more

May 15, 2008|By KELLY MORENO

A wry look at the world of Mail Call

"I work for a restaurant on Virginia Avenue, and I just wanted to get some opinions from people on how many people would empty a trash can full of towels that need to be washed and full of maggots. Just wondering how many people would be willing to handle maggots."

I don't think anybody would be willing to do that job . . . unless they got a free tank of gas, of course.

"Can someone at this worthless rag tell me exactly who won the World Series?"

Flattery will get you nowhere.

"I agree with the caller that wrote in about being sick of pushing 1 for English on telecommunication lines. I agree. I was just talking about this the other day. We shouldn't have to choose a language, because we are the U.S., and we are English. Let the other people choose what language they want."

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We are English? So that explains why people drive on the other side of the road here.

"I just want to say that anybody over 60 that's a driver should be tested, because this has been three times today that I almost got into a wreck because of some old person stopping in the middle of the road, putting on their right turn signal and then turning left, and just dumb things like that. So I definitely feel that seniors should be tested for the safety of others." - Williamsport

And no one under the age of 60 ever does anything like that?

"I came in on a turnip truck - but I was in the front seat driving that sucker."

Personally, I was born yesterday in the back of a turnip truck, knee-high to a grasshopper and still wet behind the ears.

"When your bank cashes your paycheck out of your own bank account, and then tells you that amount will not be available to you until the following day, isn't that what they used to call 'cooking the books'?" - Hagerstown

I think it's just called "banking."

"It ain't the human beings, it's our federal government." - Hagerstown

Thank you for making that distinction.

A "high five" to these callers:

"Someone in Mail Call finally has it right about why we have so many teens in Washington County getting pregnant. We don't need a committee to study it, we don't need any more money thrown at it. We need for the parents to take control, pay the bills for what their children do, and stop all the welfare going to teenage mothers. That would solve the problem." - Hagerstown

"I'm calling in regard to this new shopping center that they're talking about. I don't think we need more places to spend money. What we need is more places to make money. They say they're gonna create 9,000 jobs, but they're all gonna be minimum-wage or near-minimum-wage, no benefits, part-time. When a person still has got to work three jobs to make a living, I think what we need here is an industry that'll pay a decent wage." - Hagerstown

"It is my opinion that the BOE should spend money on books for children, rather than plaques with their names on it. Correct me if I'm wrong."

"I want to congratulate all the Smithsburg High School students for their symbolic bike ride to school, to protest the high gas prices. Perhaps they should consider doing that every day, weather permitting, to reduce the use of gas even more. When the weather is bad, they should consider riding the school bus, and fix the parking problem at the school as well. I know that this is not 'cool,' but just think what effect it would have if this concept was repeated at all schools in the county, in the state." - Smithsburg

Kelly Moreno is an editorial assistant with The Herald-Mail. Kelly's Cuts will appear every other Thursday. Frequently-asked questions will be answered in Mail Call by staff reporters.

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