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Kelly's Cuts - and more

A wry look at the 'best' of Mail Call

A wry look at the 'best' of Mail Call

April 10, 2008

"I have always heard that I should wash my hands with hot water for about 30 seconds to help prevent the spread of diseases. Are there any studies that support using hot water as opposed to cold water and washing for 30 seconds as opposed to washing for 10 seconds?" - Rohrersville

And should I use the Lavender Mango antibacterial gel, or the Plumeria Peppermint Revitalizing lotion soap? Too many decisions here.

"I was calling about the story you had in the paper the other day about the squirrel that caused the accident in Boonsboro. It was killed on the road and pronounced dead on the scene. That was the funniest story I read in a long time. One question: Was he cremated, or are they having a funeral? I'd like to go to see the viewing. Would you please tell me where the viewing's gonna be? I want to pay my last respects to the poor little squirrel." - Hagerstown

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There will be no ceremony, but the squirrel's family has requested that in lieu of flowers, peanuts may be sent to Boonsboro's Shafer Park.

"Now see if you'll print this one. I've called 45,000 times and nobody's ever come up with a article of mine yet." - Hagerstown

Is the article about arthritis in your dialing finger? That's something we could believe.

"I see where we are getting closer to having walking as Maryland's official exercise. The senators also have passed a bill making Smith Island cake Maryland's official dessert. If all our elected representatives have nothing else to do, then send them home without pay."

Make them walk home - and go without dessert, too.

"The article about Easter traditions mentioned 'marshmallow-shaped chicks.' I haven't found any of those, only marshmallows shaped like chicks or bunnies."

We'd like to run a picture of them, but we're anticipating that a photo of marshmallow-shaped chicks on sticks over a campfire would upset readers.

"In reference to those words on money, 'In God We Trust', why can't they have a photo of God on money and all? If they want to put these words on there, then what's wrong with putting a photo of Him on money, instead of a photo of some other person?" - Greencastle, Pa.

I'm sure we will, just as soon as God becomes President of the U.S. - and just as soon as we can get a good photo of Him.

"I see where Obama won again, but after hearing what I heard over at McDonald's at the mall the other night, I wonder if the real reason for him winning is the real reason it should be. There were three young ladies sitting there at the table talking about it being the first time that they'd be able to vote, and one young lady asked the other young lady 'Why are you voting for him? Is it because of his knowledge?' And the second young lady said 'Oh, no, I'm just voting for him because he's so cute'. That's not a very good premise for voting for a president." - Falling Waters, W.Va.

But it's always been that way, ever since that smokin' hot George Washington was elected president.

"This is in regards to the smoking ban. I think that it's ridiculous. The nonsmokers are going to complain because when they walk in, they smell smoke, but now they're going to complain that when they walk into the business, there are people smoking outside. Either way, nonsmokers will not be happy. The smoking ban is just totally ridiculous, and there's at least 10 reasons why people should be against the smoking ban. This is ridiculous." - Hagerstown

Fresh air? How ridiculous.

"Oh yeah, to make sure this gets printed, let me say the word 'light bulb'." - Hagerstown

And let me say the words "Thank goodness that topic is no longer our top story."

Kelly Moreno is an editorial assistant at The Herald-Mail. 'Kelly's Cuts - and more' appears every other Thursday. Frequently-asked questions will now be answered as part of Mail Call

by reporters.

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