Kelly's Cuts - and more

A wry look at the 'best' of Mail Call

A wry look at the 'best' of Mail Call

February 21, 2008

"What will you say when they say chocolate, sugar, and coffee are harmful to your health?"

I will say "Goodbye, cruel world."

"She said that anyone on welfare can get stomach stapling free if they weigh over a hundred pound."

Boy, what a long line that must be.

"He shook the little girl's hand that only had one arm in Texas."

A hand with only one arm? How unusual.

"I think it should be illegal for the people on welfare to use the money they get from the government for cigarettes, alcohol and liquor." - Hagerstown

They shouldn't use welfare money for tobacco products or booze, either.

"Are people in this country that smart that they seem to be stupid?" - Greencastle, Pa.

Yes ... I mean, no. I mean, yes. I mean, no.


"I would first like to say I am not a big fan of Britney Spears."

What? Judging by what's on TV, you would think there is no more fascinating topic.

"I see where the EPA is upset about Bush's administration not being as strict on this environmental stuff. Keep the good work up, because I think the EPA is causing all this stuff going on in the world nowadays anyhow, so we need to go back to the old way, and the EPA needs to mind their own business." - Hagerstown

Since EPA stands for "Environmental Protection Agency," what other business would you like them to mind?

"Since they have put the smoking ban in effect in bars, I have saved so much money. I stay at home now, and just drink and smoke my cigarettes at home instead of spending all of my money at the bars, and also saving money on the tip jars. I believe that they should be outlawed also. I was spending $30 a week just on tip jars alone, so if everybody would outlaw them, just think about how much money people would have in their pockets." - Boonsboro

And if only they would outlaw eBay, I would have more money, too.

"Gas is cheaper in Oklahoma, but do you drive there to get it?"

Of course not! That would be silly .. unless we're also going there to buy cigarettes and play tip jars.

"If the other counties in Maryland stuck their head in a fire, would Washington County do the same thing?"

Only if we were promised cheaper gasoline and cigarettes - and tip jars, of course.

A "high five" to this caller:

"To the person who objected to funds being designated for teen pregnancy prevention because 'sex is the same now as in the '60's and 50's.' Washington County has a teen pregnancy rate higher than all but three other Maryland counties. That says something is wrong here. Consider also that the age of children having sex has dropped - 40 years ago middle-schoolers were not having sex - and that some sexually transmitted diseases are now occurring at an epidemic rate and some are becoming resistant to antibiotics. This is, if nothing else, a public health issue, but I would hope that we have enough concern for the emotional, physical, economic, and spiritual well-being of our children to want to change this trend. The funds that have been contributed are a drop in the bucket, considering the major cultural shift that is needed in our county (and country)." - Hagers-town

Kelly Moreno is an editorial assistant at The Herald-Mail.
'Kelly's Cuts - and more' appears every other Thursday.
Frequently-asked questions will now be answered as part of Mail Call by reporters.

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