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Government by lawsuit: Great idea

December 23, 2007|By Lloyd Waters

As I got up the other morning, I prepared my first cup of coffee, sat down at my kitchen table and glanced over the front page of The Herald-Mail.

There on the front page of the paper was a picture of my friend, Del. Chris Shank. The article was titled "Maryland Republicans file lawsuit over special session." It seems, according to the article, that the special session where all those taxes were raised to balance the Maryland state budget was a little illegal, according to the state constitution. A lawsuit to remedy this problem seemed like the way to go.

I sipped my coffee, munched on my oatmeal cookie, and said to myself, "Now that's a good way to fix our government. Let's sue the heck out of them when we don't quite agree with the results we get."

I quickly warmed up my cup of coffee, grabbed two more cookies, got a piece of paper and pencil and began to make a list of potential lawsuits I might consider filing.

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Every time I visit my bathroom, I can't help but think about that "flush fee" that was added on to my property taxes a few years back. Considering the problems our ancestors had with a tea tax in Boston, I believe my first lawsuit would be directed at the invasion of one's government into one's bathroom to collect money.

Maybe a lawsuit would stop the war in Iraq. I really, really, don't believe my taxes should be spent in that way. I think I'll file a lawsuit in that regard as well.

Certainly, creating life and then destroying it makes no logical sense. I think the jury would surely side with me.

How about the ripoff of the Medicare system by some medical providers? Can we sue someone in that regard? My senior friends would support me on this one.

How about those characters who make me pay $154.50 to renew my auto tags? Maybe a lawsuit would lower that fee to $50 or so. Every driver I know might be a witness for me in the courtroom.

I kind of like this idea about suing the government. It might be the wave of the future.

Plus, I don't think it is right for me to pay to get the NFL channel. I don't think it is right that my cable bill keeps going up and I have to watch "Jaws" for the millionth time. Maybe a lawsuit would stop that. Del. Shank has given me a good idea.

Another cup of coffee, a few more cookies and my list will be almost done.

I once took my suit pants to the cleaners and they didn't quite get them right. Maybe I should have demanded millions of dollars in compensation like another case I read about to have my pants replaced. I know, I know, my pants didn't cost millions of dollars, but they nonetheless were very special to me.

I really like these oatmeal cookies

Maybe I can sue for term limits. A lot of people would like for me to win that one. Then we could re-elect a new bunch of political representatives so they might come up with even more ideas to sue the government.

My list certainly is not exhaustive.

Republicans suing Democrats and Democrats suing Republicans might certainly affect the workday in Annapolis. It might benefit us all. Maybe all of them could spend their time in the courtrooms, and they wouldn't have any time left to spend our tax dollars and raise our taxes.

I personally like Del. Shank's idea and think readers should write to their representatives and support this idea. The politics of the future might result in a more efficient operation of government.

My list is not done, but I'm all out of coffee and cookies. I'll revisit this issue in a day or two, and call my lawyer friend George Knight to see how we can get these suits moving forward. I know my friends the taxpayers will be wishing me good luck in my endeavors. Thanks, Del. Shank, for a great idea.

Yo, and I paid good money to watch a lot of baseball games over the years, only to discover they were injected clones of the people I thought they were. False advertising, for sure. I'll add that one to my list as well. See you in the courtroom!

Lloyd Waters is a Sharpsburg resident who writes for The Herald-Mail.

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