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Kelly's Cuts and more

A wry look at the 'best' of Mail Call

A wry look at the 'best' of Mail Call

December 13, 2007|By KELLY MORENO

"This is to the people that are complaining about the deer on the front page of the newspaper. I just wonder if they read that while they were eating their sausage and eggs, or while they were having hamburgers and french fries in the evening." - Hagerstown

I know the implication is that sausage and hamburgers are derived from slaughtered animals, but why mention eggs and french fries? You hardly ever see pictures of them gutted and displayed in the back of a pickup truck.

"I read where the Sheriff's Department has written several violations for going one way on a one-way street. This is fine and as it should be."

Please tell me that the "one way" was the wrong way. Otherwise I'll have to start driving two ways on one-way streets, and I'll get dizzy from spinning in a circle.

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"And that house he lives in has more light bulbs than the Mormon Tabernacle Choir."

So it's not just their singing that lights up a room.

"This caller does not understand that I am indeed a 100-percent patriotic American. I am simply against this country and its military."

Oh, OK. Thanks for clearing that up for us.

"To the caller who suggested that Washington and Allegany County build a joint incinerator: I had a roommate in college who was one of those. Maybe I can get him to offer his services." - Keedysville

OK, Keedysville, no fair being funnier than me.

"To the person calling in response to the 6-year-old boy who shot a deer in the Tuesday paper: Believe it. It's true."

That's nothing - last night I shot an elephant in my pajamas...

"I heard coming home from work tonight on the radio.."

I hope you had a license to drive that radio.

"I think what you should do is be at the state line, and anybody has New York tags, pull them over. Pull them over and check them. Bring dog sniffers and check them out. Anybody has New York tags, pull them over. Then you'd have less population in the jails." - Hagerstown

I think anybody who sniffs dogs belongs in jail, 'cause that's just weird.

"I've seen misspelled words in The Herald-Mail on a daily basis, but this morning's edition took the cake. Large print on the front page - what is a choplifter? Doesn't the newspaper have SpellCheck, proofreaders, editors? You really need to do a better job. Our children and grandchildren are taught spelling in schools and could do a better job." - Hagerstown

We're sorry. The correct spelling would be "chawpplyfftur."




'High five' to these callers:

"Talk about turning lemons into lemonade. I started walking everywhere I can, carry what I can carry. I lost weight, firmed up, brought my cholesterol level down, blood pressure, and am getting in clothes I was unable to fit into for three years. This was all to save on gas since the price went up drastically some time ago. My husband quit smoking and has saved almost $70 per week. My home smells cleaner, he feels better, even my dog comes in now to join us in the evening. Isn't it amazing what a person can do when they try? This is better than complaining in vain. Seventy bucks weekly could buy a family medical insurance. Food for thought." - Hagerstown

"Why can't we have a little boutique area, yard sale area at the dump, like some dumps have, to take some of this stuff and put it back into circulation? There's all kinds of good stuff that gets thrown away at this dump and they're complaining about it filling up too quick. Well, whose fault is that?"

"I was just back in Northgate. It's 8:04 on Wednesday evening, and there is a little girl on her bicycle, riding her bike in the dark towards the wooded area, with her little pink bag. Who in the world are her parents? Do people nowadays have a brain? There are people walking dogs, I'm in my car - anybody could have stolen that little girl. Who are her parents?" - Hagerstown

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