Kelly's Cuts - and more

A wry look at the 'best of Mail Call'

A wry look at the 'best of Mail Call'

November 29, 2007|By KELLY MORENO

"They're working as Pentagon police, which is probably more strenuous than being a prison guard, or just as strenuous ? though not as dangerous, but just as strenuous, if not more strenuous."

Tell me again, just how strenuous is it?

"The stats say 60 percent of every baby born in U.S. is illegitimate, including illegals."

So are the baby's arms and legs legitimate?

"The ACLU has become such a joke anymore, it's not even funny."

You mean like "Take my wife, please"?

"Voting is like buying a new car or selecting a spouse."

Only if elected officials and spouses come with a bumper-to-bumper warranty, too.

"Funkstown is not the only way to get to the world."

That's true. I think Christopher Columbus came a different way.


"How fitting and how touching. I just read in the newspaper where Paris Hilton is working to help elephants in India. Six elephants broke into a place and drank some of the rice beer ... and they apparently got drunk, so she's trying to help them now, to make sure that never happens again. At least she's on the right track. She's sticking with what she knows best."

Elephants? Maybe she'll come up with a designer bag to carry her new pet elephant in.

"I would like to complain about the sky being blue. I really think it should be red. I just wonder if anybody else out there thinks the way I do."

According to NASA, a deep blue sky means that the air is very clear. Since that seems like a good thing, we recommend that you change the way you look at the sky by putting on rose-colored glasses.

"People keep asking why gas is cheaper in Frederick than Hagerstown, so I will tell you. It is supply and demand. Folks in Frederick don't drive to Frederick to work or shop. I doubt they drive to Hagerstown for any reason. So they use less gas, which keeps down the cost. Next time you drive to Frederick and happen to see how much the gas costs, ask yourself why you are in Frederick."

Maybe it's just us, but if you're in Frederick and don't know why you're there, gasoline prices are the least of your worries.

High five to these callers:

"Why are people reluctant to believe there is such a thing as global warming? No matter what one labels it, the oxygen is being depleted. One does not have to be a rocket scientist to see the fast-growing development of houses and buildings, overpopulation and garbage waste. This process requires decimation of trees and foliage (which gives off oxygen and absorbs CO2) so why is it so absurd that global warming is taking place? The plants, trees and wildlife are part of the mesh of life, but man (who is the superior species) goes about destroying these things each and every day ? all for the love and greed of money and a lot of laziness. We need to immediately pare down on our resource usage and take heed of the mindless waste demonstrated each day. What society saw and heard years ago on science fiction/futuristic movies is now a reality. We are destroying that which keeps us alive."

- Sharpsburg

"The rules of life: Be kind, share, listen, wash, floss, flush, and recycle. Pay your bills and call your mother." - Washington County

Kelly Moreno is an editorial assistant at The Herald-Mail. 'Kelly's Cuts - and more' will appear

every other Thursday. Frequently-asked questions will now be answered as part of Mail Call

by reporters.

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