Kelly's Cuts and more

A wry look at the 'best' of Mail Call

A wry look at the 'best' of Mail Call

November 01, 2007

"Yesterday my wife and I both agreed on the same thing, which is very rare. Women, lots of women are full of road rage. One of them passed us and she was doing four things at once. She was talking on the phone, she gave us the finger, she was straightening up her hair, she was running her mouth and speeding. Actually, that's five things, so they are pretty good at multi-tasking." - Sharpsburg

Actually, she sounds like a slacker. Otherwise, she'd have been eating, smoking, drinking coffee, putting on makeup, and changing the radio station, too.

"The people who don't believe in global warming - you know, the ones who think the world is still flat - are the same people who believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny." - Hagerstown

Oh, come on - if the world weren't flat, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny would surely fall off.


"Does he totally blindfold himself when he drives through?" - Hagerstown

Nobody can drive totally blindfolded. You have to at least lift the blindfold up enough to be able to see the dipping sauce for your chicken nuggets (multi-tasking while driving, see above).

"I finally figured out who former U.S. president Andrew Jackson resembled: Shock jock Don Imus."

Actually, since Jackson was born first, it's Imus who resembles him. Jackson didn't get a chance to insult anyone on the radio, but he did know what Imus only learned after his mistake: "Any man worth his salt will stick up for what he believes right, but it takes a slightly better man to acknowledge instantly and without reservation that he is in error."

"I am calling about how and why a liquor license was granted to a new restaurant on Governor Lane Boulevard. I could not believe my eyes when I read the Oct. 18 article.

"This restaurant is in the middle of an industrial park, surrounded by heavy truck traffic and a parking lot for school buses.

Surely Bob Maginnis can lay off the five people suing the hospital long enough to investigate who facilitated this insane decision." - Washington County

On Oct. 17, the Board of License Commissioners for Washington County granted a liquor license to Governor's Landing Deli & Restaurant, pending proof of fire and health inspections. Offhand, we'd wager that the restaurant's operators chose that location because there are more than 40 businesses in the 416-acre park and that some of their employees might occasionally get hungry.

High five to these callers:

"Nearly all jobs have some type of family plan insurance. I was raised to buy food, pay bills first. Not to make credit card debts for things that were nonemergency. Sure, if the auto breaks down and one has to go to work or someone in the family is sick and needs medicine, a credit card comes in handy. To go to the mall and buy your kids things just because they 'want them' is setting bad examples for children. Things mean more to people if they save up and learn some patience. America is so materialistic. I notice people complain about the price of living, but I also notice how much they buy unnecessary things. Health- care insurance should come first for your kids and life insurance on yourself. Don't pass your problems on the taxpayer to handle for you." - Hagerstown

"In reference to these ungrateful American people, poking fun at this global warming problem, people in this country just takes everything for granted, such as the food we eat and the fuel that we consume, burn up. We don't take anything into consideration until something actually happens. When are American people gonna ever learn and all? You would think that these tragedies such as 9/11, along with other tragedies, would bring people to their senses, but apparently not. I feel people should concern themselves with this global warming and all, because I feel there's so much pollution in the air and in the earth from all these gases and so forth." - Greencastle, Pa.

Kelly Moreno is an editorial assistant at The Herald-Mail. 'Kelly's Cuts - and more' will appear every other Thursday. Frequently-asked questions will now be answered as part of Mail Call by reporters.

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