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Senator uses free will to sue God for disasters

September 25, 2007|By TIM ROWLAND

Things must be a lot better than we think. The war can't be that big a deal. Health-care problems are overblown. Terrorism? Not an issue. Global warming is merely a climatic hiccup. There is no other way to look at things.

This must be the case, since a Nebraska lawmaker has found the time to sue God.

Well, actually it's not that State Sen. Ernie Chambers doesn't see some bad mojo in the world. It's just that, in assigning responsibility, he's decided to go straight to the top.

In the suit, God stands accused of causing "fearsome floods, egregious earthquakes, horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornadoes, pestilential plagues, ferocious famines, devastating droughts, genocidal wars, birth defects and the like."

And the like? He pretty much covered the whole waterfront, near as I can tell. Left out the New York Yankees, but blanketed just about every other misery on earth.

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Chambers said the filing is meant as a poignant, dramatic slap against frivolous lawsuits.

But is it?

It sounds to me as if he's really ticked. And so is He, but more on that later.

God, the suit alleges, has caused, "calamitous catastrophes resulting in the widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth's inhabitants, including innocent babes, infants, children, the aged and infirm without mercy or distinction."

For someone who claims to just be making a point about our legal system, Chambers sure seems to know a lot about pestilence.

And frankly, he might have a point. I believe that God works in mysterious ways. I believe that all things work together for good for those who love the Lord. But you have to admit that some calamities stretch the endurance point a bit.

Far be it from me to suggest that just a hint of accountability might be in order, but George Bush has Executive Privilege and God has Romans 8:28 - and, in my view, unbridled immunity is a lot for us mere mortals to be comfortable with.

And you have to admit, there's a paper trail a mile long, including Micah 2:3: "Therefore, thus says the Lord, 'Behold, I am planning against this family a calamity from which you cannot remove your neck; and you will not walk haughtily, for it will be an evil time.'"

I would expect God's lawyer to object to the admission of this evidence on the grounds of hearsay, but it's potentially damaging.

Chambers, in the suit, says he's tried to contact God numerous times, but "Plaintiff, despite reasonable efforts to effectuate personal service upon Defendant ("Come out, come out, wherever you are") has been unable to do so."

Until now.

A couple of days after the suit was filed, a "response" mysteriously showed up in the courthouse, the Associated Press reported. Court officials say the paperwork just appeared on the counter and no one knows how it got there.

In it, God claims immunity from earthly law and says, "I created man and woman with free will and next to the promise of immortal life, free will is my greatest gift to you."

For the record, the AP reported that it sought a comment on God's response from Chambers, but, "Attempts to reach Chambers by phone and at his Capitol office Thursday were unsuccessful."

Uh-oh. You don't suppose ...

Tim Rowland is a Herald-Mail columnist.

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