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I have some great ideas for shows

September 13, 2007|By BIG SYDNEY

There are definitely many perks with being a modest but famous best football prognosticator on the face of the earth this side of Funkstown.

Everyone wants your services for something.

This summer was really eventful. I made that cameo appearance on Fat March ... but that was only after I was voted off as the motivational speaker at Shaq's Fat Camp. I didn't realize they were asking me to tell those kids to LOSE weight. I guess handing out chocolate bars was a bad touch.

The best thing of the summer came when I was sitting in Dargan's newest club that features billiards, Mick Jagger memorabilia and barbequed ribs - Sticks and Stones Will Break Your Bones - when my cell phone rang. (My ringtone is that frozen tundra song from NFL Films.)

It was the NFL Network. They wanted me to come join the group to help plan football related shows to run when the NFL isn't in season. They have obviously heard of my run as Sebastian Cabot's double in "Family Affair."

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Well, I have some great ideas for shows.

A documentary about replacement players who played during NFL player strikes.

We'd call it "Scrubs."

A weekly comedy about a crazy football fan who loves to bet on games but always seems to choose the wrong team.

That would be "Ugly Betting."

A drama about an NFL team that hires Lakers coach Phil Jackson to come in and teach his meditation regimen, which would be emceed by Drew Carey.

Call it "The Power of Zen."

A reality show in which Michael Vick, Pacman Jones and Chris Henry go through a series of community service challenges as part of their penance with the NFL. There will be things like a dog-walking obstacle course, a strip-club scavenger hunt and sobriety checkpoint relay.

We'll call it "The Biggest Loser."

And the final idea is another reality show in which a group of local sports broadcasters hit the streets in a competition to tape the best football highlights of the week. The losers earn $1 and the winner gets rewarded $1.25.

The title is simple.

"The Fifth Quarter."

On with the predictions. Last week and season: 18-6 (.750).

HIGH SCHOOLS



Allegany 28, North Hagerstown 14

Boonsboro 21, Southern Garrett 13

Smithsburg 27, Poolesville 6

Williamsport 19, Northern Garrett 13

Clear Spring 20, Bishop Walsh 19

Petersburg 23, Hancock 13

Cedar Cliff 34, Chambersburg 24

Jefferson 20, Potomac Falls 14

Sherando 21, Hedgesville 6

Martinsburg 34, Urbana 28

Berkeley Springs 36, South Hagerstown 20

Greencastle 28, Waynesboro 27

Central 14, Musselman 10

Saturday

James Buchanan 29, York Tech 13

Mercersburg Academy 21, St. Albans 10

St. James 23, MSD 21

COLLEGES



West Virginia 38, Maryland 27

Saturday

Penn State 49, Buffalo 0

Shepherd 31, Glenville State 14

PROS



Steelers 34, Bills 14

Ravens 17, Jets 7

Monday

Eagles 20, Redskins 17

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