Advertisement

Orioles hold Texas Rangers to 30 runs

August 28, 2007|By TIM ROWLAND

Commentary

-30-.

It's what old newspapermen used to put at the bottom of their copy to signify "the end."

The end is right - as in the end of any speculation that the Baltimore Orioles maybe, just maybe, were no longer the league laughingstock that they've been over the past decade.

So they name a promising new manager who seems to be righting the ship and then they celebrate by going out and losing both ends of a doubleheader to the Texas Rangers, the first by a score of 30-3.

Some things never change.

Same old Orioles.

They used to talk about the "the Oriole way." Now it's the Oriole no-way.

30-3.

You call that a pitching staff? Of all the pathetic, miserable, unconscionable performances - if you're Texas, how in the world do you go out and let the Orioles hang three runs on you?

Advertisement

I hope someone got demoted after that one.

No team had given up 30 runs since the Chicago Colts beat the Louisville Colonels 36-7 in 1897. That's a long, long time, man. Not even C. Montgomery Burns remembers that one.

Point of order: The O's got shellacked by the Texas Rangers. Would these be the same Texas Rangers that are solidly in last place in the AL West with a record of 56-70, the same Texas Rangers that hadn't scored 30 runs in its last nine games combined?

It would? OK, thanks.

"You need to have a real short memory," manager Dave Trembley said after the game. That's good news, because apparently the Orioles do - they forgot how to pitch.

Thirty runs. All that was missing were the prodigious pot bellies and the keg of beer in each dugout. Come on, these are the Texas Rangers, not the Tri-State Plumbing and Electric Bombers.

"You start to feel bad for the guys on their team," said Ranger outfielder Marlon Byrd.

Great. Now we're getting pity from a team with a .444 winning percentage.

How do we fix this? Quick, someone call in Cal Ripken. He's been the Bromo Seltzer for the past 10 years - anytime watching the Orioles actually play a game becomes too nauseating, they haul out Cal Ripken and that makes things satisfactory again.

I'm guessing that a century from now, they'll have a simulcast video-cam on his tomb. Forget the six consecutive walks and multiple grand slams, remember Cal!

Really, what other bright spot can you point to this century, Eric DuBose?

Peee-ter. Peee-ter. Peee-ter.

That would be the call for one Angelos, Peter G., to step forward and take a bow. He with more dark circles under his eyes than John Cheney. If Hollywood ever decides to make a movie, "Baseball Owner From the Crypt," central casting's headed straight to the Warehouse.

I don't know what's worse, what Angelos is doing to the Orioles or what the Orioles are doing to Angelos. Looks like he hasn't slept since '97.

30-3. At least Wild Bill Hagy wasn't alive to see this. You can't spell "Loser" without O-R-I-O-L-E-S.

Texas' eighth and ninth hitters had 7 RBI each.

Jarrod Saltalamacchia came in batting .179 and ended up batting .262.

Travis Metcalf was called up from Triple A earlier in the day and inserted in the seventh inning as a defensive replacement - and hit a grand slam.

And who will ever forget that Texas' Wes Littleton earned a save.

That's impressive. Every bullpen needs a man who can come in during a tight, pressure-packed 30-3 game and lock down the opposition.

Naturally, being a glorified reporter with a nose for disasters, I decided to go to the Orioles game the night following the debacle. You know, just for some good clean fun. As we walked through the turnstiles, I brightly said to the ticket dude, "So how did we do yesterday? We won, I hope."

This innocent comment brought an ejaculation of grunts, snorts, spits and the pronouncement, "People come for a baseball game and a football game broke out."

Just to show that we are still Orioles supporters through thick and thin, we went to the Orioles store and dropped about two bills on birdchandise. At the checkout counter I earnestly asked the woman, "Do you have any T-shirts that say '30-3'? I mean, it was kind of historic."

She looked at me over top of her specs for a solid three seconds, and for as long as I live I will never forget her answer:

"No."

Tim Rowland is a Herald-Mail columnist. He can be reached at 301-733-5131, ext. 2324 or via e-mail at timr@herald-mail.com. You can listen to his podcast, The Rowland Rant, on www.antpod.com.

The Herald-Mail Articles
|
|
|