Wake me after the primaries

March 08, 2007|by TIM ROWLAND


I hate to bring you down in the middle of the week, but we have nearly two more years of this. I truthfully had not realized it. With the mudslide of presidential candidacy over the past month, I naturally assumed the election was this year.

But then in one of my rare glances at the calendar (when you get older, kiddies, the years tend to ooze together) I realized it was 2007. And I remembered that odd-year presidential elections don't happen.

Yikes, we have to put up with this for another 20 months? I'm not sure I can survive. Used to be that if you declared your intentions to run for the presidency 10 months before the election, your announcement was often regarded by the pundits as being "premature."


Now we have announcements every day and everywhere. John McCain made his announcement on Letterman, for crying out loud. What, he couldn't book time on "Barefoot Contessa?"

I understand that the Oval Office is looking like low-hanging fruit to a lot of politicians because anything, and yes, I am including a trained antelope, would be an improvement over the current commodity.

But heavens, this is like announcing that post time for the Kentucky Derby will be held in April. And will be open to every available horse, including Barbaro.

The up side is that no politician - NO politician - can possibly go 20 months without making a fatally stupid comment that will trash his or her chances. So by next March, there may be no one left in the race.

Let's see, what's a quick rundown from this week.

James Edwards said "I think Jesus would be disappointed ... I think he would be appalled, actually" that we are ignoring the poor and involving ourselves in pointless wars.

If I were Jesus, I don't think I'd be too thrilled about all these people going around putting words in my mouth. Maybe he's disappointed with the war, or maybe he's disappointed the Cubs didn't win the World Series again last year. He may not care all that much about politics. For all I know, he doesn't even have the CNN Web site bookmarked.

Then there was the revelation that Barack Obama has white ancestors who owned slaves, which leads to the obvious question - is there anyone in this country who is not related in some way to Strom Thurmond? I'm not sure how the family tree affects one's qualifications to be president, but I suppose if there is two years to fill, not all news stories can be on a candidate's position on health care.

Not to be outdone, Republican front-runner and former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani was in the news this week, largely under attack from media in, where else, New York. Contemplating his presidency, one New York publication that simply ran his picture with the headline: "Him?"

Giuliani, it seems has a dark side, including the facts that - I hope you are sitting down - he's been divorced and he has a temper.

All right, I admit, if you break the news to your wife that you are divorcing her in the middle of a press conference, your interpersonal skills may need a refresher course. But if we eliminate every divorced hothead from presidential considerations, our choices will be limited to Ned Flanders and Thich Nhat Hanh.

True, you would like to think you could count on the votes of everyone in your immediate family, but hey, people change.

And of course this isn't even to mention the H-cat, who was the subject of about 20 stories this week on the potential for "Clinton fatigue." Matter of fact, by the time I'd read about half of them, I had Clinton-fatigue fatigue.

None of this is good. For the time being, I suppose it beats reading about Dick Cheney's blood clots, but can you imagine hearing and seeing these goofy blow-hards for the next 600 days?

I'm thinking of moving to Canada, not to dodge the draft, but to dodge the wind.

Tim Rowland is a Herald-Mail columnist. He can be reached at 301-733-5131, ext. 2324 or via e-mail at You can listen to his podcast, The Rowland Rant, on

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