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Broken up

Feeling sad at a happy time of year

Feeling sad at a happy time of year

December 12, 2006|by TESSA WALLS

It's Christmas time - the best time of the year!

At least for the lucky few that have someone special to share it with. As for the rest of us, we are forced to spend the holiday season with nothing but family and friends.

Of course, there is nothing wrong with family and friends. However, when you see couples everywhere you turn and hear happy Christmas songs playing on every station, it gets pretty lonely.

But that does not mean we singles are left to suffer, especially those who have gone through a recent breakup. Take it from me, life during the holidays can actually be quite satisfying without a special someone.

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Have you ever been dumped by that special someone, crushing your expectations that you would be spending your winter break with them cuddling around the fire? Believe me, you are not alone on that one. Breaking up is something that happens when you least expect it, but there's nothing that can be said or done to change it.

What's the point of wallowing around in self pity when you could be enjoying your freedom? Who said being single during the holidays had to be a bad thing anyway? So put down the comforting, consoling pint of ice cream, and listen closely to Tessa's advice on how to deal with a breakup during the holidays and how to move on.

The No. 1 thing to remember is the statement, "There are plenty other fish in the sea." I am not suggesting you date just any type of sea creature. But keep looking for that special someone, regardless of a previous breakup. The right person could be lurking right around the corner, so keep your options open.

Another thing I suggest is to stay active. It is the Christmas season, right? There are millions of opportunities to get out of the house and do something enjoyable with your friends or family. Get your mind off of your ex, and focus on being around people that will comfort you. Being with the people you love most is always a reliable option.

My final suggestion is to take up a new hobby where you can meet people, like snowboarding or even basketball. It's fun to try new things, plus you might find someone that shares your interests.

Let go of the past

Ana H. Weber, author of "Dumped: The Ultimate Guide to Starting Over," gives tips on how to cope with a breakup, how to take care of yourself, and how to move on. Her advice is straightforward and easy to understand.

She says to toss yesterday out the window along with any sentimental item that reminds you of your ex, like that goofy stuffed animal that sings those silly love songs. Keeping items from your yesterday will only bring back memories from then and remind you of how it was.

"It was that way for a reason, and that is not the way it is now," Weber says. "Having these negative thoughts can only get in the way of enjoying a nice moment now."

It's Christmastime, right? Enjoy the season while it's here!

Learn how to connect

Have you ever been dumped and wondered what you did wrong? Sometimes people do things that push other people away from them without even realizing it.

Authors Keith and Maura Leon, who wrote "The Seven Steps to Successful Relationships," focus on how to connect with others as well as what not to do in a relationship.

First thing to do, according to Maura Leon: Appreciate yourself.

"Your relationship with yourself reflects the relationships you have with others," she says.

In other words, if you look at everything as pessimistically as possible, you are going to think any relationship will go wrong. She also says to look at things objectively.

For example, when you are at home by yourself, wondering why your ex has broken up with you, think objectively. Put yourself in their shoes. What is their motive?

"It is important to get over the grieving process as soon as possible and to move forward," she says.

It is important to appreciate what you have now. Surround yourself with people that love you. It is the Christmas season, what better way to get over someone than to be with your family and friends?

Christmas is a great season and a perfect time to go out there and meet new people. So what are you waiting for?

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