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Jolly ol' Saint Sydney calls it another year his way

November 30, 2006|by BIG SYDNEY

Well, here it is, the end of another strenuous three-month work year for old Syd.

These are my last picks of the season. Prognosticator's log, Star date: Kate Smith ... I mean, Anna Nicole Smith ... I mean, Nov. 30, 2006.

I was getting ready for a hard-earned, nine-month vacation when I got the call. I was selected to be the grand marshal of the Dargan Christmas parade. And I get to light the tree, too.

I was honored, but there was a catch.

I had to plan the whole darn thing. They mumbled something about how I had so much time on my hands because of my cushy job.

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I took the challenge. I went out to start looking for help. I started to look up some old friends.

I gave a buzz to Michael Vick to come over and help. He just flipped me the bird.

I got a hold of Mike Vanderjagt, thinking he would get a kick out of it. He was off the mark, failing to come through in the final seconds again.

So, I was on my own.

I started out by looking for something unique.

To add that unique Dargan flavor to it all, I went to the local factory that manufactures these holiday treats consisting of pecans sitting on a Ritz and dunked in chocolate. The place is called Nutcracker Sweets.

They were too busy to work with me for the parade, though.

Then, I went over to talk to the guy who runs the confectionery and fruit stand on the boats that take tourists across the Potomac River - you know, Sugar Plum Ferries - for some sponsorship, but he gave me a bah humbug.

The last setback came when Santa Claus said he couldn't even find Dargan on his map, so he wouldn't be able to make the parade.

That means I'm the only one who can wear the read suit, provided that we let it out a little.

Then, I realized I needed a supporting cast.

I needed someone who was bald with pointy ears to play the role of an elf. Hmmm. I think I'll give that Dan Kauffman of The Herald-Mail sports staff a call to see if he could help.

I got smart, too. I got the Sydmobile buffed out and painted red for this gig. I'm going to drive this route in style.

Besides, if I would use a sleigh, I'd be in trouble. All the reindeer would be mounted on walls around Dargan because it's hunting season.

I even saw a guy tracking Rudolph from a tree stand.

Then, I started to practice a bit for my new part.

"Hold, Hold, Hold ... Merry Christmas." Even though I'm Santa Claus, my days as a Washington County referee came to the surface again.

But you can't pull anything over on these Dargan kids. They knew I wasn't the real Santa.

I guess they could figure it out by my walk.

I hurt my foot while playing football on Christmas Day many years ago. So, every year at this time, that big appendage at the end of my right foot throbs, no matter what I do to take away the pain.

You guessed it.

I suffer from a case of MistleToe.

On with the predictions. Last week 4-3 (.571); Season 172-56 (.754).

HIGH SCHOOLS

Parkersburg 24, Martinsburg 20: The Bulldogs get a little closer, stay a little longer, but can't hang with Big Reds.

COLLEGES

Shepherd 30, Bloomsburg 21: Rams provide gloom and doom for Bloomsburg.

West Virginia 27, Rutgers 21: Slaton is the devil to the Scarlet Knights.

PROS

Ravens 28, Bengals 17: Ravens in the market for a stripe maul.

Redskins 24, Falcons 13: Michael Vick can't put a finger on why the Falcons are struggling.

Buccaneers 23, Steelers 19: A Buccaneers win will be an act of piracy.

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