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Vote for Syd for a better tomorrow

November 02, 2006|by BIG SYDNEY

I feel like it's my sworn duty as a football prognosticator and an American citizen to throw my helmet in the ring for office.

What office? I don't care. I'm not picky.

There's a place out there for me to serve the public. I could be a Washington County (fantasy football) Commissioner or a bored member as well as anyone else.

I went to investigate the process, since I'm starting so late in the process. I walked around the street of Dargan looking for answers.

There was a new business in town with a catchy name that seemed like it was fitting for my needs, so I figured I would stop there. But as it turned out, the new hen house, acne doctor and fishing equipment conglomerate - Egg, Zit, Poles - was of no help.

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Neither was our school that studies outdoor injuries and ski slopes - Camp Pain Trails.

So I thought, "If I'm going to do this, I'm going to do it on my own.

"Why can't I get into office? If Gopher from 'The Love Boat' and the Terminator dude can get a leather office chair, why not me?"

I decided to work on some campaign promises for my speech at my Dargan-based headquarters, Syd for Anything.

If I'm elected, I promise ...

· To share with the public my insight on picking teams.

· To reach out and unite fans and friends in Clear Spring, Hancock, James Buchanan and Williamsport, all who have helped fatten my record because I have picked against them in the past.

· To become more gender equitable by making selections for Powderpuff football games.

· To twist the old presidential motto and promise a Spam sandwich in every pot.

· To reach out and embarrass the media. I will feel pity for the NBC 25 sports crew and The Herald-Mail sports staff for their inability to join the winning majority in their picks.

· To make tight-fitting coaching shorts, a ball cap and a whistle fashionable again.

It's not much of a platform, but I have a feeling I can still win in a landslide.

That's probably because of the backing I'm getting.

Someone said it was too late for me to run as a Democrat or a Republican because they have picked their candidates.

At first, I thought I might run as a Statue of Libertarian, then it hit me.

I have the perfect political affiliation for me.

The Tailgate Party.

On with the predictions. Last week: 15-3 (.833); Season: 137-42 (.765).

HIGH SCHOOLS

Friday

Smithsburg 41, Clear Spring 13: A victory here really hits the spot for the Leopards.

Catoctin 31, North Hagerstown 27: It seems rather Callas for the Cougars to beat the Hubs in their "home opener."

Boonsboro 27, South Hagerstown 14: Rebels can't handle it when Warriors raise Kane.

Brunswick 24, Williamsport 12: Railroaders choo-choo Wildcats up 32 times before being able to swallow the win.

Hedgesville 30, Briar Woods 17: It will be a slow game because Briar Woods' players keep sticking to the Eagles' uniforms after every tackle.

Martinsburg 38, Jefferson 21: Bulldogs become a real pain in the Hash to the Cougars.

Hollidaysburg 44, Chambersburg 20: Only good thing about this one is the Trojans are home for the Hollidaysburg.

James Buchanan 23, Scotland 16: Rockets knock Scotland off kilt-er.

Steel-High 40, Waynesboro 15: Steel-High puts on a stainless performance against the Indians.

Berkeley Springs 48, Hancock 14: So Sioux me, I just think the Indians will win.

Greencastle 21, West Perry 7: If Greencastle was Oz, the Blue Devils would be the Tinninis men.

Saturday

St. James 34, Avalon 19: Frankly, Avalon, autumn isn't your best of the Four Seasons. The Saints make sure of it.

Kiski School 33, Mercersburg Academy 13: Blue Storm's loss is sealed with a Kiski.

COLLEGES

West Virginia 31, Louisville 28: Cardinals won't hear a national title coming if they can't put the 'Eers to the ground.

Saturday

Clemson 38, Maryland 27: Without a running game, it will be whole new Ball game for the Terps.

Penn State 17, Wisconsin 10: Do Wisconsin players say "cheese" for their team picture?

Shepherd 34, West Liberty 0: Rams' defense cracks Liberty's bell.

PROS

Ravens 27, Bengals 20: Now that the coach is also the coordinator, the Ravens' offense is being babied by a Billick call cord.

Cowboys 33, Redskins 21: "Romo, Romo. Where for art thou, Romo?" Washington's defense questions.

Broncos 23, Steelers 10: Every time Denver's quarterback bends down behind center, you see a Plummer's crack.

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