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The devil's in the details of voting bill

September 26, 2006|by TIM ROWLAND

Commentary

It was interesting to hear Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez go full-Khrushchev on President Bush last week, ranting and raving away in front of a United Nations audience.

He howled that Bush was "the devil himself" and a "world dictator," and said the room "still smells of sulfur" from a Bush appearance earlier that day.

But the more he postured, the more florid his hyperbole, the more partisan his speech, the more disjointed his logic, I couldn't help thinking: What a perfect member of Congress he'd make.

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He'd fit right in. True enough, if you send a raging lunatic to Congress and don't tell them he's a raging lunatic, they'll never figure it out.

Matter of fact, I doubt they'd pay him much attention at all, he'd bear such a strong family resemblance to the rest of the species.

The latest antic from the zoo House of Representatives came last week, when it moved to tighten immigration by passing a bill that would require voters to produce a photo ID proving U.S. citizenship at the polls.

Nice. Think the voters in Dade County, Fla., will have any problem with that one? These would be the voters who couldn't punch a hole through cardboard. The voters who couldn't tell Al Gore from Pat Buchanan. You think they can remember to show up at the polls with proper documentation when most of them can't remember where they put their own teeth?

Everyone's lamenting low voter turnout these days, and Congress responds by making it even more of a hassle to vote than it is now.

And call me uninformed, but I didn't know that most precincts in the nation were being overrun by illegal aliens.

Personally, I wish more Latinos would become more assimilated into American life and learn English and pay taxes and contribute to the community and become a bigger part of the process. If we're a giant melting pot, then commence to melt already, instead of staying in isolated communities.

Come on, Americans will like you if they can just get to know you. It's the American way. We only fear what or whom we don't know.

But I guarantee you this, amigo. You walk into any church - any church - in Washington County on a Sunday morning and they can see your face and see you smile and all of a sudden you will be treated like a long-lost brother.

Why shouldn't we want Latinos to vote? It's not like we ourselves have done such a bang-up job selecting leaders. What, we're afraid immigrants would pick somebody worse than what we've already got? Good luck.

No wonder Congress is scared; they probably fear that immigrants might elect somebody smart.

Here's what one California representative said about immigration laws: "We're going to try our doggonedest to enact as many of these bills as we can."

Doggonedest. What, was "dangest" already taken? Some other lawmaker already have a copyright on, "We're going to do our rootin' tootin' shootenest ...?"

Idiots.

I wonder why dude didn't go for the whole enchilada. You know, immigrants are the devil themselves, they want to be world dictators, they were just here and the room still smells like sulfur ...

Oh, right, that line was already taken.

Tim Rowland is a Herald-Mail columnist.

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