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A piece of Big Syd is only a credit card away

October 27, 2005|by BIG SYDNEY

When you are as big as I am, there are only a couple of things that can help you get any bigger.

And now, we're not talking about that case of Ding Dongs sitting in the trunk of my Sydan.

This time, I'm talking about marketing. And that takes gimmicks.

I don't have the hairpiece that that Trump guy has. Talk about a bob-and-weave job.

I don't have a show like those NBC25 guys. What's the big deal about having a Fifth Quarter? I already have $1.25, and more, to my name.

I decided to enter into the souvenir business. You go to NASCAR events and they have trailers of collectibles lined up for every driver. Head to a Maryland game and outside the entrance is an Under Armour tent with everything but that guy screaming, "We must protect this house."

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So, I'm going into business for myself.

I went over to Dargan's reputable truck dealership and dairy product store, the world famous Mack and Cheese, to get my tractor-trailer to stock up.

Then, I drove over to the out-of-the-way Chicago pizza and souvenir parlor, Uno Mementos, to start coming up with the little trinkets to make Big Sydney even more of a national craze than I already am. I may only be right 70 percent of the time, but I get more hits than any of those overpaid baseball players and I'm more cuddly, too.

Here are a few things that we came up with for the truck:

  • The Big Sydney Yellow Jersey - the idea was stolen from Lance Armstrong, but I'm always in first place in my picks and all those extra pockets to hide snacks are a must.

  • Trays to put water in and pop into the freezer to make little cubes that say St. James 34, Hancock 20. These are called Ice Picks.

  • Cans of stretchy canned meat. We'll call it Spam-dex.

  • Canned meat playing cards, with my picture displayed prominently. These are Spam decks.

  • My solo effort CD in which I sing show tunes from Kiss Me Kate while taking Smith Brothers cough drops.

  • The official Big Sydney prognosticating jart set. Put the ring in the middle of the backyard and take five tosses to establish the point spreads.

  • Then we have the rain gear to watch games in bad weather. We call these Sydney Slickers.

  • And then there is what I think will be the hottest item of them all.


It's a recreation of an old childhood product. It's a revolving disc that you can put under your recliner. With this item, you can put all your TVs around the outside of the room, along with a fridge and snacks. It will give you the chance to rotate to see everything and get everything without sitting up or leaving that central spot in your living room.

We're calling it the Syd-n-Spin.

On with the predictions. Last week 22-6 (.786), season 144-56 (.720).

HIGH SCHOOLS

St. James 34, Hancock 20: Saints go off the beaten Trail.

Friday

North Hagerstown 44, Clear Spring 18: It's too cold for Hubs fans to wear T-shirts anyway.

Smithsburg 20, Williamsport 16: The Leopards know all the hot spots.

Boonsboro 19, Brunswick 14: I found out that Shoemaker's favorite dessert is cobbler.

Thomas Johnson 31, Tuscarora 22: Patriots loosen up the Titan defense.

Winters Mill 23, Frederick 19: Mill uses Flour Power to grind past Cadets.

South Carroll 41, Walkersville 14: Cavaliers crack the whip to make the Lions tamer.

Middletown 21, Francis Scott Key 13: After Mid-Knights, FSK's band is gonna have to shake their tambourines.

Martinsburg 38, Musselman 23: No, rabid Bulldogs fans don't always foam at the mouth.

Hedgesville 27, Hampshire 21: Eagles win with The Long Run.

MSD 53, Eastern 6: Where there's a will, there's the Orioles' Way.

St. John's-PH 33, St. Vincent Palotti 20: One of the favorites at the St. Vincent concession stand on cold days is the Palotti latte.

Allegany 37, Berkeley Springs 18: Indians have to watch out for the Campers' hitch play with a trailer.

Central Dauphin 40, Chambersburg 17: No, Central Dauphin doesn't wear flippers instead of cleats.

Milton Hershey 44, James Buchanan 21: Hershey finds out beating JB isn't Rocket science.

Greencastle 30, Susquehanna Township 12: Blue Devils use the draw to bridge the gap.

Saturday

Waynesboro 27, Scotland 25: Standing behind Scotland's offensive line in their kilts is not a pretty sight.

Catoctin 40, South Hagerstown 16: This game will allow the Cougars to turn up their Thurmont-stats.

Mercersburg Academy 28, Peddie School 14: Blue Storm get a foothold on the game and come up with a Peddie cure.

COLLEGES

Florida State 38, Maryland 17: Seminoles make a statement, Bowden clear.

Penn State 27, Purdue 10: Nittany Lions find out that Purdue is chicken.

Shepherd 31, West Liberty 16: The Rams are working so hard, it's about time for them to get some West and to take a Liberty.

PROS

Giants 20, Redskins 14: New York's offense at home is Eli-trifying.

Broncos 23, Eagles 17: Denver's quarterback is becoming so fluid, he's becoming known as Liquid Plummer.

Steelers 16, Ravens 6: Pittsburgh finds 57 ways to beat Baltimore at Heinz.

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