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Coming to a theater near you

October 13, 2005|by BIG SYDNEY

It was only a matter of time before it happened.

They've done the rest - Knute Rockne and Bear Bryant. Now, moviemakers have come to their senses.

I got the call the other day that they want to make a movie about my life.

Talk about a Syd-amatic achievement.

Dargan is just buzzing over the chance of being filmed in this version of "Syd-izen Kane."

The local vegetable shortening plant and dance hall - the ever famous Crisco Disco - wants to be the location when shooting begins on "Syd-urday Night Fever."

My girl, LuSydna, wants to be an extra when they shoot "Sex in the Sydney."

We were kicking around some names for the epic.

Because of my undersized coaching shorts, they wanted to try "Remember the Tight Ones."

Then, because of my weight and temperament, another title was "Too Fat, Too Furious."

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Then, because the movie is going to be about my prognosticating skills, they settled on the title of "Pick Of The Syd-er."

Then it came down to one last thing.

We needed to find someone to be my stand-in for all the tough scenes.

Who could it be? Who could match this classic profile.

Let's see. Ralph Friedgen.

No, Maryland is still playing football.

That boxer, Butterbean.

No, his nose is too flat after getting pounded too many times.

But those Hollywood types wouldn't give up.

They said they found the perfect guy and he doesn't tire of doing these things. In fact, he is an all-terrain type of guy.

He's bald. He's got a lot of rolls around the middle. He has a slightly inflated ego, like me. And he is always letting everyone know who's No. 1 on the road to success.

I've never met him, but they tell me his name is something like Michelin.

On with the predictions. Last week 22-8 (.733), season 100-46 (.685).

HIGH SCHOOLS

Friday

Hancock 23, Westmar 12: Panthers' offense gets down to the nuts and goes against the grain to get a true Trail mix.

North Hagerstown 34, Williamsport 14: Hubs fans give the T-shirts off their backs for this pick.

Brunswick 48, Clear Spring 20: The Railroaders do not wear hearing aids. Those are engine ears.

Middletown 27, Frederick 13: The Mid-Knights strike, forcing the Cadets to leave the ball while wearing only one shoe.

Francis Scott Key 31, Walkersville 15: Eagles knock Walkersville off stride.

Jefferson 35, Martinsburg 30: Cougars finally knock the Eastern Panhandle monkey off their backs and find out it was a Bulldog.

Musselman 23, Hedgesville 17: When you get to the core of it all, the Applemen are an appealing pick.

State College 37, Chambersburg 21: Trojans fail their SAT (Score Alot of Touchdowns) against State College.

Frankfort 21, Berkeley Springs 13: The Indians can't ketchup, making the other team the wieners.

Greencastle 38, Big Spring 14: Big Spring dominates if this game is played between March 21 and June 21.

Camp Hill 41, James Buchanan 19: Bet your money on a bobtail nag for Camp Hill.

Saturday

Urbana 24, Thomas Johnson 20: Pats get Urbana-ized in rural wind fashion.

Smithsburg 20, South Hagerstown 13: This is a day game because Leopard Stadium only has spotlights.

Catoctin 30, Boonsboro 23: According to the Thurmont-ameter, the Cougars are hot.

MSD 51, Alabama Deaf 13: Orioles wash out Alabama with some Crimson Tide and hang them out to dry.

St. James 22, Maret 14: Green Bay has Cheeseheads, but around here, it's the Maret Toupees.

Mercersburg Academy 27, Hill School 22: Blue Storm get over the hump even though Hill players are more inclined than others.

St. John's-PH 31, Severn 14: No, future St. John's football players do not live in Prospect Hall.

Westminster 35, Tuscarora 23: No, Westminster doesn't have an Uncle Herman living at 1313 Mockingbird Lane.

Milton Hershey 41, Waynesboro 13: Milton Hershey is up to its old Twix.

COLLEGES

Michigan 14, Penn State 13: Losing by one is a point not so well taken by the Nittany Lions.

Louisville 34, West Virginia 24: When it comes to gun anatomy, WVU has Musket ears while the Cardinals have cannon eyes.

Shepherd 27, Concord 16: Rams continue to roll, keeping Concord from reaching grapeness.

PROS

Ravens 13, Browns 10: That's not the score. That's the number of penalties the Ravens will cut down to.

Steelers 24, Jaguars 14: Steelers take Jags sightseeing a tour of Big Ben by Bus.

Chiefs 27, Redskins 20: In Survivor Fed-Ex, the 'Skins are the tribe that is voted out.

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