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Putting a curse on this column

October 29, 2004|by BIG SYDNEY

They say real football prognosticators don't cry, but I couldn't help it.

In reality, for a guy of my ample angling, it would probably be considered a blubber.

I just hate to see traditions fall. When the Boston Red Sox won the World Series on Wednesday, I was just on this side of outrage. (Really, if you look at a map, Dargan is on this side of Outrage).

With the victory, it ended the mystique of one of my heroes, Babe Ruth. Those ungrateful Sox ended the 86-year reign of the Curse of the Bambino.

Me and the Babe have so much in common. How many legends do you know that are built like a medicine ball on a pencil and still could be a heavy hitter while stuffing 50 hot dogs in his mouth at one sitting? The Babe started the lore; I perfected it.

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The Red Sox winning the World Series. Now that is the sign of the apocalypse. Now with the Bambino out of the way, so many other things will be changing.

Like:

· I'm going to be cautious the next time I have a martini and lose the center of my olive. I don't think I could handle the Curse of the Pimento.

· I tripped while doing a Mexican hat dance during the Sox's sweep because of the Curse of the Sombrero.

· I was getting dressed to take my girl LuSydna to a black tie affair at the Dargan Symphony and Car Show and had one of those Super Bowl wardrobe malfunctions ... the Curse of the Tuxedo.

· And because of it all, LuSydna got upset because I looked so bad, so now I'm suffering the Curse of the Bimbo.

· I was practicing my act for when I wear my Kate Smith costume for Halloween. (I can't understand why all I'm getting is Snickers). My voice cracked trying to hit the high notes because of the Curse of the Archipelagos, or it might have been just because I was wearing tight shorts.

· All the fixings fell out of my sub last night, so it must be the Curse of the Hero.

But maybe the worst one of all is the feeling I've been having from eating a lot of vegetables without the benefit of those little pills. It's the same sensation I get everytime I watch that guy from Pittsburgh who thinks he can outdo me picking all these football games.

Yes, yes. You know what I'm talking about. This one is the Curse of the Bad Beano.

On with the predictions. Last week 19-5 (.808), season 160-38 (.808).

HIGH SCHOOLS



Catoctin 37, Clear Spring 20: Blazers near the end of the trail.

Boonsboro 24, Williamsport 21: Warriors get so excited about win, they go out on a teepee binge.

North Hagerstown 31, Smithsburg 23: Hubs put first spot on Leopards' record.

South Hagerstown 20, Brunswick 8: Rebels choo-choo up Railroaders.

Central Dauphin 35, Chambersburg 14: Beware, Trojans. There's something fishy going on if Dauphin tries a squid kick.

Frederick 42, North Carroll 12: No, Cadets don't play 24-minute quarters. That would mean they would be doing double time.

Middletown 27, Winters Mill 6: Knights leave Winters Mill in a daze.

Allegany 33, Berkeley Springs 23: Indians might need a couple of Belts to get ready for this one.

Martinsburg 38, Musselman 19: Bulldogs stray to SPCA - Straight Past Cringing Applemen.

Hampshire 28, Hedgesville 7: No, the Golden Tornado cheerleaders aren't known as Twister Sisters, and they're not going to take it anymore.

Archbishop Spalding 34, St. John's at Prospect Hall 30: A prospector approaches SJPH's quarterback and says, "You're Ricca."

Linganore 46, Thomas Johnson 15: It's obvious the Pats can't ignore Linganore.

Walkersville 38, Century 20: Century couldn't win this game in 100 years.

Tuscarora 31, South Carroll 27: Titans not frightened about fightin' the Cavs for a win.

MSD 61, Enterprise 0: The Orioles live long and prosper with help of Enterprise.

Scotland 22, Waynesboro 18: What will be uglier - this game or the sight of Scotland's center snapping the ball while wearing a kilt.

Milton Hershey 40, James Buchanan 19: No, Milton Hershey's cheerleaders aren't known as the Peppermint Patties.

Greencastle-Antrim 21, Susquehanna Township 12: The Blue Devils become so animated, they turn into Susquehanna Barbarians.

Saturday

St. James 34, Flint Hill 13: Saints entered season with a blank Chick and have cashed in big.

Peddie School 32, Mercersburg 15: Blue Storm must foot the bill because they can't find a Peddie cure.

COLLEGES



Florida State 27, Maryland 10: It's getting so bad in College Park, everyone's starting to Jeer the Turtle.

Ohio State 23, Penn State 14: Even with Buckeyes, OSU has the Lions in its sight.

West Virginia 44, Rutgers 13: Frankly Scarlet Knights, WVU doesn't give a darn.

Shepherd 30, Concord 20: Rams stomp Concord like grapes and makes it whine.

PROS



Packers 31, Redskins 17: Washington's coverage and end zone are a few of the Packers' Favre-ite things.

Eagles 17, Ravens 13: T.O. works OT to KO Ravens.

Patriots 24, Steelers 14: When the gunsmoke leaves this shootout, victory will be marshaled by Dillon.

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